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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)

TITLE: Flying in the Park
By Tabiatha Tallent
04/24/07


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Lucinda sat on the park bench with her Bible in her lap. She closed her eyes and felt the wind lift her hair from her face, and listened to the beautiful sounds of kids laughing. She opened her eyes and they settled on a nice looking man headed her way. The pages of her Bible fluttered, bringing her back to her reading.

The man approached her, his calming seas of blue eyes catching her attention, “May I sit here, ma’am?”

“Sure, I was just about ready to leave.”

“Please don’t go; I would really appreciate someone to talk to.”

“Is that right? Convince me that I should stay.”

“Well for one, I’m a nice man with only the most honorable of intentions.”

She closed her Bible, and turned to face him, “How can you prove that you are a good man?”

“I will keep my distance, and anytime you feel uncomfortable, you can tell me to leave, and I will.” Lucinda’s demeanor seemed to soften, so Paul went on, “What are you reading there?”

“I was reading in Psalms fifty-five. My favorite is verse six. Sometimes I wished that I could just soar away.”

“I know exactly what you mean. If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?”

“It’s funny that you ask, I’ve been thinking about it all morning. I really can’t think of a specific place. I’d really just like to fly, to be away from the problems of life, and to see the world from a different perspective.”

“If you don’t mind my saying so, you are a beautiful lady. Your eyes really sparkle when you smile. I’m sorry that you’re so unhappy with your life that you want to get away.”

“It’s not that I’m unhappy. I just feel misunderstood at times.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

A tear trickled down her face and she leaned over to him. Paul reached his arm around her and pulled her close. “I didn’t mean to snap at you this morning. I just feel so stressed. I don’t understand it. You’ve been so good to me, but sometimes I just feel that I need more.”

“I know, Lucy. I’m sorry, too. I’ve been really stressed with work and I haven’t spent time with you like I should have.” Paul wiped at her cheeks and kissed her nose. “Come with me.” He took her Bible from her hands and they walked toward the playground. Paul stopped at the merry-go-round and held her hand while she sat. “I’m gonna take you on that flight now. Close your eyes.”

Lucinda closed her eyes and held on to the bars. She heard Paul’s footsteps fainting away as he yelled, “Keep your eyes closed, now. No peeking!” About a minute later she heard lots of feet and felt Paul sit behind her and felt his arms coming around her waist. “Don’t open your eyes. Just trust me.”

She felt the wind blowing her face and hair as they began to spin. Paul’s arms tightened around her. “Now lean back into me and let go of the bars. First we’re headed to the city. Imagine the lights and sounds. You’re standing in the back of a limo with your head sticking out of the sunroof, and you’re waving to crowds of admirers. They’re all watching you, because you are beautiful.”

Lucinda smiled and raised her hands in the wind. “Go on.”

“Now we’re reaching the edge of town. The city lights have faded. I’m holding you in my arms. Our cheeks are melded together and we’re looking up into the stars. There’s one that shines brighter than the rest. I tell you that it’s a sign from God. That it’s a sign of hope, for our future together. I tell you that I love you more than anything and that I’ll never leave you, no matter what.”

She suddenly realizes that the footsteps are gone. The spinning has stopped, but she still seems to be flying. She opens her eyes and turns toward her husband. “I will never stop loving you. Thanks for the best trip of my life.”

“You’re welcome. It was a lot cheaper than a plane ticket; I only had to pay those guys a dollar a piece to spin us around.” With that, he kissed the edges of her smile and lifted her up. “Let’s get out of here. I hear there’s a nice, romantic living room over on Elm Street. I’ll walk you there.”





Author’s Note:
And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Psalms 55:6 KJV


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This article has been read 491 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Christine Dunn04/27/07
Oh how romantic! I could visualise the scene well.
Catrina Bradley 04/28/07
Perfection! I'm still spinning. :) Wow, this is sooo good! A romantic husband that any woman would dream of. KUDOS!.
Julie Arduini04/29/07
I loved this! It wasn't predictable romance at all, it was a sweet surprise to find it was the husband, and the way the verse worked and how they resolved the problem was smooth and so romantic. This was a very enjoyable read!
Rita Garcia04/30/07
Creative! I enjoyed reading this one alot, Great Writing!
Jan Ackerson 04/30/07
I didn't see the twist coming--good job! Tender and sweet, a lovely story.

In the paragraph that begins "A tear trickled down her face...", the action closest to the dialog belongs to Paul, but the words are Lucinda's. I was a bit oriented in that paragraph and the next, until I sorted it all out.

Reconciliation of any kind always brings a lump to my throat. Nicely done.

Loren T. Lowery 04/30/07
Intrigue and romance - good job. I like that it had a good ending, too!
Cheri Hardaway 05/01/07
The "stranger" husband was a surprise twist I wasn't expecting. VERY nice job. I enjoyed it. Blessings, Cheri
Jacquelyn Horne05/01/07
Wonderful, romantic touch. You surprised me with the beginning. Good writing.
Lynda Schultz 05/02/07
Oh yeah - neat twist. I'd love to rea the first part of the story to enhance my understanding of the "why?" of the park bench. This is very good.
Joanne Sher 05/02/07
Great twist, and very realistic dialogue. Great stuff.
Sara Harricharan 05/02/07
A flight to remember. This is very creative with the twist ending! I was a little thrown when you used the name "Paul" without introducing him saying his name, but later on you smoothed it over when the reader guesses that they are married. Very much enjoyed reading this!


   
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