The Official Writing Challenge
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04/27/07
I feel like I've taken a rollercoaster ride - there were so many ups and downs in this story! I thought it was going to be a simple, typical case of boy meets girl romance at the beginning.

Then when the train came, I thought "Ah, this is his chance to prove how brave and wonderful he is. He'll have her in no time." I didn't expect him to get knocked down! Then I thought he had died, but was glad that the story had a happy ending. Phew! Thanks for the ride!

P.S. Think there was one titchy mistake - comma instead of full stop - I'm such a fuss pot!
04/27/07
You had me from the start, but I have a suggestion. I recommend you change the "I love you" at the end. It would be more satisfying, I think, for them to begin to get to know each other at that point. The mutual attraction is obvious. But maybe it's just the word limit that accelerated the inevitable. Great story.
For a second there I thought the poor guy was a goner. I'm glad he made it and I really liked your story.
04/28/07
WOW! You packed alot into this story! Held my attention, and topped it off with a great ending!
04/28/07
Now THIS is what I call a Love Story extraordinaire'! Perfect romance, and so beautifully done. Great job and I loved it from title to last word! Kudos!
04/28/07
Wonderful romance genre story. You captured it all -- and in 750 words.

Personally, the "I love you" at the end felt a little unrealistic, but, then again, romance stories often end a little over-the-top.

Could they really like each other first maybe?

Great job.
04/29/07
Titles get my attention. Yours was top of the heap as I skimmed the list. Your story reads like a romantic mystery. And, it doesn't get much better than that in my book! Thanks for a great read.
04/29/07
Wow! This was so emotional and definitely romantic. Nice job!
04/30/07
I like your story it is well written and satisfying. The word limit of 750 words is too short to set up a romance and have it come to a conclusion without making it seem a bit too rushed. Within the limits of the challenge however, you did an excellent job. Sandra Bullock stared in a movie "While you were Sleeping" or a title close to that. You might want to check it out because your story while different reminds me of that movie.
Great vehicle for showing how our lives can change in an instant.

One small grammar remark is that seeming should probably be seemingly in this sentence:
"At 9:15, their eyes met. Jon walked to his usual spot and stood there for a moment, seeming undecided."

Regardless, I enjoyed reading of this budding romance that could have been missed completely.
Good romance. Would love to read more. Maybe after the challenge, you'll expand it. Good writing.
05/01/07
Wow! I'm a romantic--and fell in love with this one! Step on up to Masters and take your well earned place in the book. (At least that's what I'd give you if I could.) Hope the judges love this one as much as I did.
05/03/07
Great detail and description. I also think the "I love you" was a bit rushed, but you only have so much space - and it IS a romance, after all. Very suspenseful AND sweet.
05/03/07
Neat romance without being overly sentimental. Great suspence, I too thought he'd died. yeggy
Congratulations on coming so close to placing. This is a very well told story. I could visualize it as I went along, which is the mark of a good writer.