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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: A Rose by any Other Name...
By Teri Wilson


I love the way my dog smells. I want to make sure that is understood from the very beginning. I particularly love the way her feet smell like Fritos when we come back from a walk. When I first shared this with my husband he just shook his head and sighed. Then he helped himself to a big bowl of Fritos.

So, there you have it. I love the way she smells. The perfume was not my idea in the first place.

We were at the annual dog parade held to raise money for the humane society. And believe me, if I sound like an over-the-edge-dog-nut you should have seen some of the other people there. There were dogs dressed up in costumes so flamboyant they would make Cher look Amish. Seriously. There was one lady there whose six-pack of poodles was dyed in pastel Easter egg colors. They rode in a little cart, a half dozen frothy puffs of cotton candy with doggy breath. I had never seen anything like it.

I was standing with my mouth agape at the sight of an Afghan hound sporting a Sanjaya-style mohawk when two women armed with spray bottles in glittery holsters on their hips approached me. Their shirts were emblazoned with the phrase Bath Junkies.

“Hi. Can we spray your dog?” They un-holstered their weapons and aimed the misters in Angel’s direction.

“Um, what is that?” Given our outrageous surroundings, I thought I should ask.

“It’s special aromatherapy fragrance for dogs, to make her smell nice.”

Like I said, I already love the way my dog smells. But, what’s the harm in a little primping? “Sure.”

They went to town, spraying every inch of Angel with Vanilla Lace and Wedding Cake. I’m not sure why anyone would want their dog to smell like wedding cake, but Angel seemed to enjoy it. She stood completely still while the junkies unloaded their arsenal on her tiny, 15-pound frame. By the time they were finished, she had a foggy cloud around her like Pigpen on the Peanuts cartoon.

“Be sure and check back at our booth after the parade. We’re giving away a $75 gift pack of our products.” They handed me a hot pink raffle ticket. I wondered if I had ever spent that much money on perfume for myself, much less my dog.

I’m still not sure what possessed me to actually stop at the Bath Junkies booth after the parade because I never win anything. Imagine my surprise when the junkies giddily told me I had won the raffle and began loading me down with bottle after bottle of heavenly concoctions. When I got home I lined them all up on the bathroom counter and refused to contemplate the fact that my dog now owned more cosmetics than I did.

Angel curled up lovingly at my feet as I stood in the kitchen preparing dinner that evening. Every once in a while I got a whiff of her fancy cologne.

“Honey, dinner’s almost ready!” I called out to tell my husband to get ready for supper, but there was no answer. So, I walked through the house searching, Angel happily trailing on my heels.

I stopped short at the entrance to the master bathroom. There was my husband bent over, his boxer-clad booty stuck up in the air, spraying his backside like crazy with my new Bath Junkies dog perfume.

“What in the world are you doing?”

He stood up and looked slightly embarrassed, but not as humiliated as one might think considering I had just caught him dousing his derrière with pet products.

“Oh, hi sweetheart. Where did you get this stuff? It smells like cake.”

“I won it in a raffle at the dog parade.”

“Why would they have personal hygiene spray at the dog parade?”

“What are you talking about? This is not for people – it’s for dogs!” I grabbed the fancy bottle out of his hand and pointed to the words Mutt Mist with a flourish, Vanna White-style.

I watched the crimson blush crawl up his face as I realized his mistake.

“You’re not wearing your glasses.”

“Um, no. I didn’t see the M. I thought it said Butt Mist.”

Angel let out a little yip and when I finished laughing I had to wipe away tears with my dishrag. “Well, it still smells good.”

“Yep,” he sheepishly admitted, “'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.'”

I always swoon when he quotes Shakespeare.

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This article has been read 1279 times
Member Comments
Member Date
TJ Nickel04/19/07
Touching end to humorous story. I could picture each scene, even when I didn't want to!
Anita Neuman04/19/07
"They would make Cher look Amish" - that almost made me wet myself!

I saw the end coming (pun intended) but this was so cleverly written. I'm very impressed. Great job!
Sara Harricharan 04/19/07
This reader is definitely laughing out loud! I absolutely love that line "Butt mist" it's just too funny! Thanks for making my day ^_^
william price04/19/07
I needed this! I laughed outloud as I read. "M/Butt Mist:):):)
Classic. I'll be talking about this at work tomorrow. Thanks for the laughs. Oh yes, it is written very well too. God bless you.
Julie Arduini04/20/07
This was a gem. The Cher/Amish line, the Butt Mist, the last line---just amazing. It was a joy to read this, thank you!
Val Clark04/22/07
Butt Mist! This one I did laugh aloud in. Well done. yeggy
Rita Garcia04/22/07
ROFL...Funny!! I enjoyed the one-liners sprinkled through-out this delightful story.
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/22/07
I laughed outloud, too! Butt mist! You surely did a great job with humor!
Bryan Coomes04/23/07
What a way to end...the picture here is too funny... your husband, afresh with a wedding cake aroma courtesy of "Butt Mist" quoting Shakespeare...How could you NOT swoon?
Jacquelyn Horne04/23/07
Hilarious. I once sprayed my hair with someone's bathroom deoderant. But, Butt Mist? Great job.
Tabiatha Tallent04/24/07
Oh my goodness! I can so see this happening. Only a man. LOL. Too funny!
Joanne Sher 04/25/07
Oh so funny - and delightful to read! Is this true? Love your voice.
Jan Ackerson 04/25/07
Wonderful voice here, and lots of funny, funny moments. Very good!
Marty Wellington 04/25/07
Oh my, this was fun. Great descriptions--I felt like I was right there with you. Marvelous . . a thoroughly enjoyable story.
Marty Wellington 04/25/07
Oh my, this was fun. Great descriptions--I felt like I was right there with you. Marvelous . . a thoroughly enjoyable story.
Trina Courtenay04/25/07
From begining to end this played out in my mind. I loved this! What a great read.

Betty Castleberry04/25/07
Oh, this is priceless! It takes the cake, pardon the pun. I needed a good laugh, and this certainly gave it to me.
Donna Powers 04/25/07
That is a priceless picture. What a wonderfully enjoyable story! Thanks so much for sharing this. I loved it!
Loren T. Lowery04/26/07
Glad to see this place - it was one of my favorites. Congratulations on you placement!