Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: Faithwriter's feedback
By Ed VanDeMark
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Forty six members read it and only two commented. I got a “cute” and a “nice job, except…” Of course I must have checked in on my story sixteen times. That means two out of thirty liked it and ninety four percent couldn’t even come up with “I liked the title.”
I’ve read the profiles. There’re 21 faithwriting Grandmas that offer positive feedback on 95% of the articles and not one of you checked in on my story. You ladies love everything. I’d kill for a LOL, and I don’t know if that means laughing out loud, lousy outlook Louie or love on line.
Is it my commas? I’m not very good with commas. Spell check agrees with me but even our church secretary’s granddaughter thinks I need more of them. Third grade and she’s lecturing me with parables…”The principal said the teacher is a fool”…”The principal, said the teacher, is a fool.”
Perhaps I should’ve paid attention in English class…but I was a boy. English was a girl’s subject…Gym, that was the boy thing. An “A” in English would’ve destroyed my reputation. I would’ve been a geek and geeks hadn’t even been invented when I was in eighth grade. I was already a skinny kid with acne. I didn’t need a title too.
A subject and a predicate, is that a noun and a verb? Am I correct in assuming it’s an incomplete sentence if you don’t have at least one of each? I’ve never understood how a person can tell a story without a few “very’s”, a couple “quite’s”, a bunch of “ly’s”, and a “was” or two.” Yes Mark Twain, “I’d kill an adjective” if I knew what an adjective looked like. Some days I think the rule police take their job too seriously, but then I cringe every time I see “in order to.”
At first I thought my problem was people were running out of gas and quit reading before they got to my story. So I dashed off a couple on Thursday to insure they would appear at the top of the list. Next I thought, maybe I should proof read my challenge piece before I sent it in. Two cutes and a nice title later I tried re-writing. I’m lost, what do I have to do, write something interesting and get all the commas in the right places too?
Who’s this Kenn with two n’s? He doesn’t even take prisoners. He pillages his way through the top 40 like Attila the Hun. What’s he, the Bill Gates of Faithwriters? You gotta respect a man that whoops up on a list like that. But confidentially Kenn with two “n’s” isn’t it time to move on to a new website. I’ve read your stuff and I wish I could say “it’s lousy” but I have to admit you’ve got your mojo together.
I never played sports for a silver metal. Silver said loser but I haven’t cracked the top 40 for months. I’m losing to accounting majors, and grandmas that took up writing when they turned 70. There is one thing I’m grateful for however. It’s good we don’t list the order of finish beyond 40. That way I can tell myself, I finished 41st as opposed to having to suck up a 169th place finish. While “also ran” doesn’t make a fellow real happy it’s better than receiving a trophy of the back half of a horse. The organizers of golf tournaments don’t seem to understand the concept of “Grace.” I thank God you guys do.
I know “I liked your story, but the ending was weak” is intended to help me place in the top 40 sometime down the line. I realize “I’m sorry but I missed the point” is a gentle Christian’s way of saying “You really blew it this time pal.” As for “cute” and “nice” they mean it’s good enough for the church newsletter but a real editor’s secretary would be embarrassed to let him see this story.
While I’m a sensitive guy and I’m sure I understand “I liked your opening sentence” means it went to pot from that point on; I prefer being patronized to being ignored. So please patronize me and say something, even if you can’t think of anything beyond “nice.” If you truly have a servant’s heart you might even consider disregarding the grammar police and say “very nice” or LOL whatever that means.
FIM… foot in mouth or TIC…tongue in cheek…?
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