Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: The Unmentionable
By Marilyn Schnepp
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I had never seen my dignified and rather high-toned aunt so utterly devastated! Calming her down with a cup of tea, I finally dragged out of her the horrific events that had obviously caused her such agony.
Piecing her story together, between nose blowing and gasps of mortification and embarrassment, I gathered she had gone to the ladies room at Blocks Department Store, and while there had accidentally stepped on a long piece of bathroom tissue, which unbeknownst to her had stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
Then, it seems, she continued shopping with this five foot (grossly exaggerated) length of unseemly, not to mention unbecoming and unfitting, bathroom tissue trailing behind her for over an hour.
"There, there, Aunt Vera," I said as I hugged and tried to console her. "This could happen to anyone, and I'm sure this isn't the first time people have seen this kind of thing happen."
Blowing her nose again, which was now becoming quite red, she shuddered violently at the very thought of people seeing her in such a degraded manner, then eased back in the chair and took another sip of tea.
"I know exactly how you feel, Aunt Vera. Let me tell you what happened to me once, and believe me, it was much worse than your episode, I assure you.
"One day I was shopping at J.L. Hudsons, the largest and most prestigious Department Store in Detroit; when I came upon a Half Price sale in the lingerie department. There was a huge table of bras, all colors and sizes mixed together, so I naturally sorted through this collection to see if there was anything that might fit my fancy.
"The table, as I said, was huge, so after a good deal of reaching across the table to search each and every corner, I was disappointed to find nothing suitable, so hung it up and wandered off to another department.
"However, while riding up and down the escalator and wandering throughout the department store, I was shocked an hour later to find I had a bright yellow unmentionable clinging brazenly to the sleeve of my coat, that I had evidently picked up when its hooks snagged onto my coat while I browsed the "Sale" table. I wanted to crawl in a hole."
"Oh, Honey, how humiliating and embarrassing!" But this time she was laughing and wiping away tears of laughter.
"That's awful, but, it's so funny. Thank you, my dear, you've made me feel so much better. Now, somehow, the saga of my trailing toilet paper around all day sounds so trivial, compared to your sashaying around with a yellow lacy bra hanging from the sleeve of your coat for all the world to see!"
I smiled as I watched her go into peels of laughter once again.
The wisdom of my telling this humiliating, but true story to my distraught and agitated aunt is simple.... "A Merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
And as you can see, it worked like a charm.
Reference: Prov 17:22 KJV
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