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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: An Open Letter to the Sickie Gnomes, Malicious Viral Imps, Minor Powers That Be, or Just Whoever Got The Health Work Order WRONG
By David Ian


Okay, this sick thing can stop now. Ready for it. It can just “go away” now. I had a lot of laughs, learned a thing or two. But if it’s all the same to the Sickie Gnomes or the Malicious Viral Imps or the Minor Powers That Be or just whoever got the health work order wrong, I’m really done here, thank you. Hello? Who’s running this store, anyways? Something went wrong here, I’m pretty sure.

I think I’m quite ready for normal breathing, uninterrupted nights, regular eating, and some of that good old fashioned spunky energy. Yep, I think that “Blah” feeling can just pack its bags and “Hit The Road, Jack” if you know what I mean. Know what I mean?

I did what was expected of me and helped bank up a few pharmaceutical companies and “over the counter” symptom suppressor suppliers, I’m always willing to do my part. It’s part of being an American, you know, funneling money into the good old Market Economy that trickles into everyone’s pocket. I appreciate the benefits I’ve received and I’m quite happy to give back. Quite happy, you bet.

Now, I apologize if I missed something on my end, like pressing the “Well” button somewhere that sort of sets all that “good stuff” in motion, or filling out the work order, or affixing an expiration date, or whatever it is that I missed. I’m kind of new at this, you know. I haven’t had a hanging-on affliction in really, a good long while, rather outside of memory now that I think about it. It’s been nice and educational and all and really, something that I don’t mind taking some time for, but hey, guys, I think I’m good here. Super.

Oh, one other thing before y’all go. My voice. I’d like it back please. Yeah. Missing out on that “talking” thing. Well, without sounding like some kind of wounded animal. I mean, yeah, it IS kind of fun making strange croaking sounds like some mutant amphibian from outer space and inventing radio drama scenarios based upon the “Frogmen From Swamp Planet Zero” and such. Hilarity. I owe it all to you. And singing in the car gets a lot of kicks and giggles as I imagine various artists ravaged by some debilitating throat malady or being attacked by some maniac strangling them as they attempt sing. And I never before would have invented the K-Tel “duets” album, where various Christian artists sing their best known selections along with “Frogmen From Swamp Planet Zero”. Truly, I never had so much good times. And I owe it all to the Sickie Gnomes or Health Imps or whoever.

So, this is my stop everyone. Good to go. I’m ready to get off the sick train. Bags packed, the taxi driver’s blowing his horn and all. Hello? Gnomes? Imps? Minor Powers That Be? Whoever? Anyone?


Lord? I know I sound like some Frogman from Swamp Planet Zero, but…

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This article has been read 1070 times
Member Comments
Member Date
TJ Nickel04/20/07
Love the title, like the overall rant - I struggled getting into it in the beginning, but the frog voice bit had me rolling. For me, the theme and tone didn't get me until then, and then I was just laughing good. Pretty brave endeavor with this piece.
Julie Arduini04/20/07
This was great and the theme of my winter! The ending was my favorite. Good job!
Catrina Bradley 04/20/07
Humor I think we can all relate to. I saw one comma where I would have used a semi-colon, but this is down-to-earth, from the heart, and I loved it. My fave was the part about singing along to the radio. :) The last line is great!
Lynda Schultz 04/21/07
Hilarious - I could feel your pain! Great work.
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/21/07
I liked your idea of pressing the "well button." Your exaggerations of losing the voice are great.
Sharlyn Guthrie04/21/07
Something I can definitely relate to! I enjoyed the one-sided conversation. It worked well for this creative piece. Way to go!
Val Clark04/24/07
Great tone. Amusing read. Your POV character vents most convincingly, one would almost think you wrote from expereince... Yeggy
Sara Harricharan 04/24/07
LOL! Very creative with this piece...you have quite the imagination. I love the last line best of all though, it fits just right! ^_^
Jess Godwin04/25/07
I was laughing out loud and getting strange looks from my grandmother. She doesn't get it.

Great Job!
Jan Ackerson 04/25/07
Wonderful title, great voice, I loved everything about this.
Shari Armstrong 04/25/07
Ah....being sick is no fun, but you made it funny. Ribbit ribbit.
Pam Carlson-Hetland04/25/07
Loved it...related to it. It sounded like one of those conversations I have in my head. Bravo to you for writing it down. Great ending!
Amy Michelle Wiley 09/13/07
Hahaha! I've been more or less sick for about seven years, so I hear ya there, brother.