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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: Surprise in the Suitcase
By Brenda Blakely
04/12/07


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Surprise in the Luggage

A preacher friend of ours told a story from the good ole days when he and two other equally adventurous boys would trap and fish down in the South Mississippi bayous. This day fishing hadn’t been good and they were stopping to check the traps, hoping to take home supper.

One of the traps had a catch but it took a bit of hard thinking to ‘figger” out just what to do with the contents. The yowling and growling convinced them that taking in this catch was not going to be fun or easy.

Finally, came the idea of using a suitcase left in the trunk of the car. A little teamwork and quick thinking to complete the tedious task then, as the suitcase took on a life of its own, the thought popped up; what are we going to do with it now that it is in there?

As the suitcase began to slow down it’s raucous gallop somewhat and the roars and rumbles got a little quieter, the natural mischievous nature of the threesome began to rise up over their fear.

After carefully placing the suitcase in the nearby roadway, they hid behind the bushes. It was a short wait before they heard a car coming over the hill. Anticipation turned to disappointment when it drove on by.

Excitement was reclaimed as the car reeled around and stopped by the suitcase lying in the road. One man jumped from the car, looked around, grabbed the suitcase and jumped back into the already crowded car. Tires squealed as they took off with their bounty.

About a 100 yards down the road the car screeched to an almost halt; four doors opened as it wildly careened across the pavement and six passengers bailed out.

Surprise, surprise!

The event left a lasting impression on six (6) passengers and three (3) boys as they headed to their destination. None were near as impressed as the contents of the suitcase, which was now abandoned on the road.

One hurting, injured Bobcat headed back for his natural domain; all the while keeping folks both near and far posted on his whereabouts and loudly proclaiming his thoughts or surprise at the doings of the human beings in that part of South Mississippi. Word count 384


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Member Comments
Member Date
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/20/07
Thanks for letting us "hide and watch." I bet we think this is funnier than the people in the car did!
Joyce Samuel04/21/07
'About a 100 yards down the road...' This paragraph really had me hooting with laughter! I could just see those guys dashing madly out of the car. I don't know if this is a dumb question, but pardon me (I don't know much about fishing or cats): how did a fish trap catch a cat? Alright, alright, don't answer...
julie wood04/23/07
I enjoyed this story! Great descriptions--could just see that jumping, yowling suitcase! I was expecting its contents to be a skunk whose spray caused the rapid exit from the car--but guess an angry bobcat would have the same effect!
Jacquelyn Horne04/23/07
What a surprise! I enjoyed this, but I felt that I would have liked to have known the contents of the suitcase early on. It would have been more fun to watch it all unfold knowing the culpret rather than to wait for a surprise at the end. Sometimes the journey is as much fun as the destination. The element of surprise is not always the best route to go.Of course, this is just one opinion. The writing was very good.
terri tiffany04/23/07
Great use of words - and your descriptive sentences were very refreshing in style:) I liked this way you told your story so much!!
Sara Harricharan 04/24/07
That poor bobcat! I may be the only one here sympathizing with him-LOL. Very fun and enjoyable in less than 500 words. It might've helped to build a tad bit more suspense, but otherwise, good job!
Clyde Blakely 05/08/07
I was picturing this easily as Candid Camera did a scene like this once with a Bobcat in a suitcase. I can still see the car's four doors burst open with four men piling out - the car never stopped moving or slowed. Candid Camera said that that stunt got them in trouble and advise others not to try it. Thanks for the memory and great writing.
Don't wait so long to write again. God bless.