The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/07
I like the idea here. You touched my heart with this child. I would have liked to see the story a little tighter and a little more suspense.

Good job on the genre.
04/13/07
Good job setting the atmosphere. I really liked Alex how you made him come alive. I felt I knew him better than the MC - maybe you could have developed her character in the way you did his. A very well-constructed mystery, with a satisfying conclusion. I enjoyed it!
04/13/07
Great title and a really nicely done story. Good mystery and ending, wished we could do sequels so I could learn what happens to the boy and why was he beaten!
What a "Nancy Drew" here--with a modern touch. It's a shame to think that abuse is a modern touch. a symbol of this day in which we're living. Very good writing here.
04/16/07
I love the sweet nature of your protagonist. A missing comma in the first sentence makes it seem as if the eggs are fighting back tears...your amateur sleuth did a great job of putting together clues and being God's hands and feet. Nicely done!
04/16/07
Very touching story. Would have liked to see more clues before we knew the mystery was solved.
04/17/07
Sweet, yet sad story. I loved your characters. The poor kid, I'm glad you rescued him! :o) Glad he wasn't alone anymore. Reminds me of us, when we wallow in our pain, self-pity, darkness--God rescues us and makes everything better!
04/17/07
Nice mystery here. Glad it had a happy ending and some very good sleuths to ferret out the really mystery behind the missing items. I'm so glad the boy was okay too.
04/17/07
Great characterization. Would love to see this expanded (dontcha hate the word limit - especially on mysteries??). Good suspense.
04/18/07
Touching! Love the characterization of the children! And the ending perfect! Fantastic writing!
I enjoyed the characters and the plot line Immensely. One technical note remembered from my law school days: a robbery takes place in the immediate presence of the victim. A burglary will take place in their absence.
Nice job of writing!
I liked your mystery very much. Isn't it interesting that you got the brother and sister to cooperate! You did a good job of creating sympathy for the mistreated child.
04/18/07
Good suspense and I really "felt" the mystery unraveling. Nicely done.