The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/12/07
The 'mystery' is pretty good, the ending a little confusing with how Rachel was suddenly able to get up from the floor where a gun was being pointed at her head and then managing to handcuff the culprit. The twist is good of having her as a special agent, that was unexpected and very well done to give no hint away before hand. Just needs some work on the end where the 'scuffle' is. ^_^
04/14/07
Nice twist of an ending! You captured the menacing feel of Chad quite well!
These mysteries are so hard to do in such short spaces. About the time I get into them, they're gone. But this is a good job being fit into a small space. I was under the canopy with you. And scared silly.
04/16/07
Not bad at all - especially getting it all in within the 750 limit. Good plot, nice surprises and scary atmospheric background. Very well done.
04/17/07
Great! I definitely didn't see the twist coming.
04/17/07
Definitely kept me spellbound; good atmosphere and believable characters. Nicely done. Blessings~
Scary! I was holding my breath for Rachel. Excellent mystery story!
04/17/07
Fantastic mystery and the ending delivered!! Great writing!
This could have gone in so many directions and that's one reason I kept reading - wasn't disappointed by the outcome and feel the story could be expanded further.
04/18/07
Great job of building the suspense and keeping me guessing. Love the twist.
04/18/07
To me this played out like a tv show! Perhaps it's because I could visualize it from your good descriptions. Maybe you should expand this and make it into a script?? Good job!
04/18/07
Strong sense of place. Good characterisation. Nicley paced and suspenceful. I am mystified though as to why it was Rachel who knew where the box was and had the key. Did I miss something? yeggy