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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Music (03/08/07)

TITLE: Tetelestai
By Sue Dent
03/11/07


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Tetelestai

Music to his ears it was; the wailing, the weeping the gnashing of teeth. Oh it was an all- encompassing symphony of the senses but the sounds were so gratifying. The screams form the very depths of the earth. His kingdom. His throne.

Such a horrible place it was, his entourage bargained to be anywhere else. When met with the possibility of being cast out of a vessel they were inhabiting, they would go anywhere else accommodating just to avoid going back to the place they abhorred, understanding that this was the only way they could stay away. Several of his legions even chose vessels they weren’t suited for once to avoid their inevitable return. Short-lived happiness ended when the pigs they’d requested as homes, plunged from a cliff into a sea. He had special plans for them once they returned.

A crescendo of agony.

An escalating and glorious rapture of pain and suffering.

Ecstasy to his ears.

A testament to his success.

If not for that, he’d probably hate being here himself. Yet this was his kingdom and the sounds were what kept him going. His hatred for all mankind.

A quick look across the chasm to the other side, his blood boiled. He would not be outdone. There would be no savior for those who’d escaped for the moment the pure and complete anguish only he could deliver.

It hurt him to look upon how peaceful they were, how absolutely calm. A discordant sound to his ears.

But where was their Savior?

He laughed hideously. The sins of their father had brought them a front row seat to the anguish they’d been spared.

What could be better than suffering?

Why watching someone suffer, of course--forever. He delighted in this, decided that even though they seemed at peace,they most assuredly were suffering too.

More music to his ears.

But then the music stopped.

Silence prevailed.

For a very brief moment, all suffering stopped.

And then, in the pitch blackness of that firey inferno--a sound.

Faint at first but then solid, heavy thuds. They echoed through those caverns of evil. Brought debris crashing down and around.

The ground shook.

Each step brought light until it was nearly impossible to see.

A reverse darkness.

Standing from his throne, he looked. In utter hatred he stared. He wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was on the wrong side of the chasm.

Then the One who had come uttered a word as he placed the key in the lock and turned it. One word he would not soon forget.

One mind-numbing word.

“Tetelestai.”

Paid in full.

It is finished.

The music would never be the same.


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This article has been read 838 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Myrna Noyes03/15/07
Your intriguing title captured my attention, and your first sentences made me want to read more! (I did notice a few "mechanical" errors, though.) The story itself was well-written and imaginative, and I loved the ending where Jesus unlocked this hideous prison of death by His sacrifice! Good job!
julie wood03/16/07
This story haunted me. Very creative, writing from a demon (Satan's?) point of view. I liked the terse sentences that built suspense and lent a tone of anguish, as well as the creative phrasing. My favorite phrase: "A reverse darkness." Wonderful portrayal of paradox here!

The unusual title also sparked my curiosity--I had to find out who, or what, "Tetelestai" was!
Joanne Sher 03/16/07
Amazing description. You drew me in and kept me here from beginning to end. Love the end! :)
Julie Arduini03/16/07
Oh I liked this! So often we see the angels perspective on momentous events but to see it from hell, very creative and haunting. Strong writing, great job!
Julie Ruspoli03/16/07
Bravo! This is one of my favorites. Excellent writing!
cindy yarger03/17/07
Nice take on the subject. Some good word usage here. I esp. liked "A reverse of darkness." Creative. Good job.
Ruth Neilson03/17/07
perfect for the upcoming season. This is intense and amazing all of the same time. You captured me from the first word.
Loren T. Lowery03/19/07
I liked the concept of this piece and the forboding musical overtones. Good job!
Jan Ackerson 03/19/07
Oh, wow! Oh, wow! My favorite of yours, by far, and definitely at the top of my list for this week. So creative and original, and your word choices were simply outstanding.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/20/07
Your descriptions were powerful, and what an awesome message you illustrated!
Jacquelyn Horne03/20/07
Very impacting story.
Pat Guy 03/21/07
Bravo! Absolutely Bravo! My favorite of yours also. THIS is what you write. Wow!
Sara Harricharan 03/21/07
You've outdone yourself with this piece! I have never quite "seen it" like I have when reading this. I could feel, hear, touch and smell the despair and pain. So vivid and realistic descriptions, you did a great job with making me love to hate the one responsible and then the taste of a faint victory with "Tetelestai". I loved how you tied the title in with this. ^_^
Elizabeth Burton03/21/07
I hope you plan to expand this! The short sentence length was a great decision that made it all the more intense. I really enjoyed this piece.
T. F. Chezum03/21/07
Very good job - definitely one of my favorites. Very creative and original.
Donna Emery03/21/07
Excellent, Sue! I can only guess what the word means, but I was glad of its implications. Wonderfully descriptive and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it
Linda Watson Owen03/21/07
The mood you wove in this creative piece is so thick and 'real' that I can taste it. And what an unusual yet 'right on' choice of story for this topic! Way to go, Sue!
Betty Castleberry03/21/07
Take a bow. This is wonderful. I love the creativity and the message. Big thumbs up!
Joanney Uthe03/21/07
Very creative POV! I liked the part about the demons that went into the pigs and the part about Jesus being ont he wrong side of the chasm. Great writing.
Helen Paynter03/22/07
Wow, Sue. I noticed your comment on the Message Boards and just read this now. Really sorry not to see it in EC, because this is GREAT - one of your best.
Rita Garcia03/22/07
Sue, I just read your commentary on the message board. As I read this wonderful accounting the tears poured! How gifted you are, and it is evident that He abundantly blesses your hand as you write!
Kathie Thomas05/09/07
Apologies for contacting you this way but we need your bio note please for the Faithwriters book "Hidden in the Hymns". Can you please contact me?