The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/08/07
I love some of your descriptions! I can think of two that were especially good. A few punctuation needs here and there but otherwise well written - and I liked how you got into the mother's head so nicely.
03/08/07
This sounds like life: it never rains but it pours. I'm surprised this woman is even out of the hospital (they just don't keep folks long enough these days!), let alone out shopping. AND having to send off a son on top of all she is going through just sounds overwhelming. But, we know it does happen that way. Good story and well written.
Beautiful story of sacrifice and belief and faith. Your dialogue lead this reader right into the story. The emotions seemed raw, but real. Great job.
03/08/07
I don't think I need to guess where you got the inspiration for this story! I liked the way you pulled the reader in with the first few sentences. Your dialogue is very natural and "true to life." And, as always, your description is great! :-)
Wonderful story. There's no sacrifice like the one of cutting ties to your children. It hurts, but it also heals. God is good.
03/12/07
What a wonderful tribute. I would have liked to see the son even more hesitant, because he knew the sacrifice she was making for him. Great story and great job showing the physical pain as well as the emotions.
03/12/07
Great title, and well-written story.

Be careful of isle / aisle.

You did a good job of showing us her fatigue, her pain, and her love.
I know there is so much of your own truth in this story. Powerfully done. There were a few spots that were a little redundant, but that's a minor thing. Good job!
03/13/07
Pretty good. I like the dialouge and interaction with the mother and Son. You did a great job of showing what a close relationship they had. You missed a quotation mark up where she asked to sit down I think, but I didn't really notice anything else. Very good, overall. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
03/14/07
Good story with nice interaction, emotions. I didn't understand the 'tram' part. Nice writing! God bless!
03/14/07
You did an excellent job of capturing your MCs struggles - physically, emotionally, etc. I cared deeply for her throughout.