The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
03/08/07
This story haunted me--sad but beautiful. The dialogue brought all the characters to life and made them real to me. I could also see them clearly through the vivid descriptions--especially the first saleslady. I was also drawn in by the unusual--and so perfect--title. Very moving. Terrific job!
03/08/07
So sad. My brother was a preemie, but luckily he made it. Still, I know how hard it was for my parents and I think you conveyed the bittersweetness very well. Great job!
03/08/07
A kleenex please. Oh, such an adorable, but sad, story - and told so beautifully; from the shoppinng of the garment to the end. Indeed, 100% angel!
Was heartened to read the love and faith of this familiy expressed so well by your writing.
03/09/07
Very moving. Good job.
03/10/07
Well written with a good command of language. Heartfelt - attention holding. Sad. I thought of the mistaken notion the store folks had for him.
This sad sory is presented excellently with strong characters. Good job!
03/10/07
A well-written piece. A lot of emotion in a relatively small amount of space (I guess that word limit makes us do that). Good job,
03/10/07
This was a very touching story with a heartfelt message. Very nicely done!
03/11/07
Oh, very sad. I do hope it's not in any way autobiographical.
Nit-pick - I think the mother is just a wee bit too accepting for this point in the bereavement. Just my opinion.
But the tears in my eyes testify that this was powerful writing.
This would be a sad time for any parent. Knowing God in such a situation is a plus. The writing is good.
03/12/07
*Gulp* This is so sad, yet so touching. Your opening could be stregthened. Pull your reader in and make them curious--maybe by emphasizing the man's strange behavior (show, don't tell). I love your very strong ending. Well done!
03/12/07
I think you did a particularly good job with John's characterization. Sad, and tenderly written.
What a touching story. I kept hoping the ending would be that the doctors were wrong, and they got to take the baby home.
You kept my interest throughout. Very well done.
03/12/07
Read the comments 1st & knew how it would end, & still it made me teary. Yes, perfect title.
03/12/07
WIll the real Joanne please stand up. What range you have. A beautiful heart rending story. But give me a clue next time to bring some klenex. I'm glad you didn't tell us how the story ended, cos I choose to believe the baby went home with the parents. Excellent title and well written.
03/13/07
Granted, it’s late, but I did not see that coming, Joanne. A father picking out an outfit for his son to go home in. This was a beautiful story. So very sad and sweet. The title grabs the reader’s attention and is perfect for the piece. Great job!
03/13/07
You portrayal of the characters is so realistic, I love the exchange between these new parents. Masterful storytelling! Now where are my tissues.
03/13/07
Simply beautiful and heart-stirring. I liked the contrast of the different view of John from Angela's POV and then when he showed his wife the outfit. 100% Angel indeed. Great job! ^_^
03/13/07
I can't believe I cried again. Wait, yes I can - your writing keeps improving, girl! I love love love this entry.
03/14/07
Very nice story. I figured out early on what was happening, but still the story kept me reading. Great job!
03/14/07
Oh! So good and heart wrenching! Good descriptions and dialog. Now I've got to go get a tissue! Good job.
03/14/07
Kleenex please.......My son was born 2 weeks early with the umbilical (sp) cord aroud his neck 3 times--this was a very moving story. Your piece had very good flow!
Awesome story! I felt like I was right there, you drew me in. Great job writing!
03/14/07
Such a sad,sweet story! Well-done!
Sad story, but very well written. You put a lot into 750 words. Great job.
03/15/07
I dared to hope you weren't leading this story in the direction I thought it was going. But you led me right up to the end and did it with such overtones of mercy and feeling that I don't regret reading it. This was so tender. I hope and pray that this will bring healing to someone who has been or is in this desperate situation. You expressed it all so very well.
03/15/07
My niece Emily was a premie and is in heaven also. The story really brings those feelings back. I keep thinking about the sales lady though, this story should remind us not to judge others to quickly. Good job!
03/15/07
You did a great job here because you have me grieving with the parents and yet I can't seem to shake from my mind the salesclerk and her judgment. Very well done, and the title was perfect.
Wow! What a poignant story.
Very well written. As your reader I felt you take my hand and lead me through, showing me and not just telling.
I love the prayer at the end because it proves the Source of your MC's strength. It is always so good to read of our God's power working in the lives of ordinary people.
I add my "Well done, Joanne" to the long list of your readers.
Keep on writing for His glory.