The Official Writing Challenge
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I love this! I used to be a figure skater (though I never got quite to the double axel ;-) working on the single was enough), so I saw this scene nearly every day. Brought back good memories.
02/24/07
I really enjoyed this. I can't skate, and this was a very realistic discription of the setting. Great job.
What a dedicated mom. This was a *very* enjoyable read. You dropped me right in the middle of the rink with your characters. "Shuffle, shuffle, glide"....
02/24/07
Great details - you brought us right into the scene.
Good job. I waddled through every step (shuffle) with you. I could even feel the coldness of the ice before you fell. (due to all the discriptive clothing I guess) Roller skates was my only achievement as a young mother.
02/24/07
Hehe This was great. I can relate. Well, not really, because I'm not even to "shuffle, shuffle, shuffle." I'm more "Clinging to the wall for dear life while 4-year-olds skate past me with ease."
02/24/07
I was cheering as the boys improved and then I could feel the cold seeping in! What a brave mom! Good job! :-)
02/24/07
Sweet story well written; but if I were to use a Simon Cowell expression and say... "nothing out of the ordinary to knock my socks off", I'd be booed! Because it is very good, sweet, nice, very well written and topical - just not terribly exciting, gripping and memorable as one expects from a MASTER Craftsman. Perhaps at FW...however, Honesty is not the best policy. So, an enjoyable read, and nicely done.
02/25/07
I love the onomatopoeia and the gentle, self-deprecating humor, rich with love. Very sweet.
02/25/07
Your story was a sweet reinactment of what will be a treasured memory when you sit in the rocking chair of your old age. As such, it is touching. It also served to exercise your verbal muscles in description. You have a real talent for that! Your description was excellent. I esp. loved the fringe on the boys' scarves as the father and daughter passed by. I did find the story rather slow, though. If your goal was to write a descriptive piece about a day on the ice rink, you certainly succeeded, but I'd like to see a little more to grab...and hold my attention. What does it all mean, in the larger scheme of things? It can be a day on the ice...or it can be so much more. For example, it could serve as a heart-tugging reminder that these little ones will, one day, release your hand and dare to venture onto life's slippery ice without you. How ultra precious this scene then becomes. Your description, though, is top notch. I could learn a lot from you.
This was so enjoyable to read. My uncle took me ice skating on a regular basis along with my cousins,so this brought back lots of memories. What a wonderful 'mom thing' to do!
I loved this story! I've always wanted to go ice skating, and this makes me want to go even more. I kind of gives me a confident boost...if she can do it, so can I. Thanks for sharing!
02/28/07
A lovely "family moment" and I really liked the part where she'd been holding the boys steady at first; then, when she let go, she thought she'd be the one to fall.
Thanks so much for sharing this
02/28/07
This was wonderfully written. You write with just enough detail to bring us into your story without overdoing. Loved the “shuffle, shuffle… We moved a foot.” Very cute touches throughout. Let me say again, “great writing!”
02/28/07
This is sweet! I love that mom, taking the time to take her boys skating even when it's a challenge for herself. I've always wanted to go skating and this was just perfect for reading about it! I like the line where she's wondering how people can jump in the air and twirl a few times and land back on thier feet. Some neat bits of humor and great dialouge. ^_^