The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/22/07
Lots to like here! I grinned that it was "kinda cool" to keel over in school, trailing her father like an obedient puppy, the snap of the ball in the glove, the fact that she learned not to "throw like a girl." And kids are exactly like that to new kids in school. Great way to use the topic.
02/23/07
I really enjoyed this story! I liked the main character and one of the girls who later befriended her both having personal names. Great descriptions and delightfully realistic dialogue--both between Natalie and her classmates at the beginning and between her and her dad later on!

My favorite description is of the wind stinging Natalie's face as she huddled into her coat--and my favorite line of all is the one about how she no longer felt like an "alien wearing pj's." Wonderful job!
02/23/07
This was really good. I especially loved the exchange between Natalie and her dad. Crisp, solid writing and dialogue. Great title too!
02/25/07
This was a sweet take on the perennial challenge of being an adult trying to fit in. I liked the ball snapping in the mitt, as well, for that is the true measure of if you throw like a girl! The challenge of trying to fit in at a new place helped to balance out the sweet tone of the overall story.
Natalie seems very real. You did a great job with dialogue, and I love the message. Well done.
Among all the other terrific aspects of your story, it occurred to me that Natalie was a fortunate girl to have a father like hers. Your story is unique, yet fits the topic well. Nice job!
02/25/07
You did an exceptional job of showing Natalie's struggles and victories. A wonderful story, Jen :)
02/25/07
Great job showing the loneliness of being the new kid. It intrigued me that she moved south and felt cold contrasted to the warmth and comfort of family and friends in the North.
I read this all the way through and tried not to critique it as I went. I found that I enjoyed it very much, and if there's anything wrong, I didn't pay any attention. Good story.
02/27/07
Hehe I also laughed at the "kinda' cool to keel over in school" line. Kids are rather strange sometimes. ;) Great job.
As a dad, I smiled at how I would talk to my own daughter - so true. But, always, always, said with loving mirth : )
02/28/07
You captured how it is for a 12 y/o girl to move like that (experience here talking!) Good job!!
02/28/07
Really wonderful! I truly enjoyed this! I love the line with 'alien in pajamas' and how everything 'fell into place'. The best piece was with "Mom, you don't throw like a girl!" ^_^
02/28/07
Very nice story and I loved the way it came out. I can relate to being the "new girl" and being ostracized. A very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing it
At first, I thought, "Where is the topic?" But, you brought it together nicely. I enjoyed the dialogue with her father. I only wondered about her illness. Great job.
03/01/07
Great story. I enjoyed Natalie's movement from rejection to acceptance which was delivered in a realistic way, as was the dialogue between herself and her father.
I really enjoyed this story. Very well written with a great mix of narrative and conversation.
I loved that Natalie "found courage on her knees" and that persistent practice with Dad developed such skills and talent.
I have been that "alien with pj's" and it is a very hard place to be. Thankfully our God is a Master at walking us through those times and developing that deeper character in us while He does.
Well done, Jen.