The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1042 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/23/07
I like stories that are without hope and then God steps in. Good job!
02/24/07
Oh, come on now. It's not that bad. Really. I liked it. There were a few awkward parts here and there, as far as wording goes, but nothing to serious. I just hope he doesn't strike out this time!
02/25/07
I really liked the contrast between his high school days remembered in his dream vs his current situation, then the hope his transfer brought.
02/25/07
No "strike outs" here. Loved the comparisons, loved going from desperation to hope. God redeems everything and anything. He is only a breath, a prayer away. You demonstrated this well. Great job!
"Shame made its bed in the pit of his stomach whike self condemnation made a nest in his heart." Vivid personification! This was a nicely done creative and different piece. Not at all as awful as you think it is!
02/26/07
Was that a Babe Ruth reference at the end? Oooh, did I catch it? I hope so...this is unique and well-written, highly creative.
02/26/07
You have some amazing description in here. This is definitely a creative take. And it DOESN'T stink (though I'll give you that it isn't the best you've written).
02/26/07
You began the story well by giving a good, short description of your character, and the story held my attention all the way through. I thought there were a couple of places where you could have better connected some of your dialogue with the character, although the dialogue at the end of the story was very well done and very realistic. The scripture fit beautifully with your story and was a wonderful reminder that no matter how bad things get, God will never leave us or forsake us. Thanks, Marilee, for sharing this one with us.
I, too, enjoyed this. It is a good story and brings out a wonderful pov. God always comes through or none of us would make it.
02/27/07
The way you connected the sports and his life was unique - good job. The long drawn out way 'Strike' was written was effective too.
02/28/07
A very creative approach to the topic (I wasn't at all sure how you were going to get there.)

You have a good message and good descriptive word usage.

Your MC is a wonderfully complex person - a meth addict / robber but also one who has a Bible and prays, and has the drive to persue a college degree. Makes the reader wonder: is this a Christian who got tangled in meth or a meth addict turning his life around.
I must say some of your analogies are brilliant, such as the crystal ladder turning into a sticky spider web.

I, too, was rooting for your protagonist and heartened by the way you chose for his outcome. We need more right-choice redemption stories like this.
02/28/07
I think this is great! (and yes I did track your hint down just see what everyone was talking about-LOL) I liked the character of James and especially his dream. Very different and the ending is a wonderful reminder of how we can still change-regardless. I also liked the piece with the crystal ladder turning to a spider web. A wonderful piece. ^_^
02/28/07
Well, gues what Marilee? I found your entry and I wasn't even looking. Had forgotten all about doing so thinking I'd never find it anyway. I was just hopping around as I do sometimes and started reading this. Well, I couldn't stop. Then I said, "great, I'm out of the running." Good grief! This entry may be a lot of things, but it ain't a loser. I'll say it again. It's going to place. I LOVE your descriptions.
02/28/07
How did you know I'd had my wine for the night? Hmmmmm . . . LOL :)
02/28/07
It was evident in your critique, Sue! Stop drinking! LOL!
Three cheers for you, Marilee! I don't know how I missed this. It is excellent. Talent will "out"!
Verna
03/01/07
AHEM!!!!!! The prophet has spoken! So shall it be written, so shall it be done!!! TOLD YA!!!!!! :)

And don't look for mine on the top 40 cuz it won't be there! Oh, and just for the record, that doesn't bother me!
03/01/07
Congrats Marilee!!!
03/01/07
Congrats! (Didn't everyone tell you you'd place?) ^_^
03/01/07
Congratulations, Marilee. Looks like you're on a roll!