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For years I’ve been restricting food intake
And over-exercising, too,
And now I’m to the point, each step I take
Is almost more than I can do.
Desire to be fit and very thin
Got out of hand and that’s not all,
More reasons for the trouble I am in,
The inner pain that made me fall.
Depression, losses, sorrow seemed too much,
I’d never felt so lost, alone.
Although I longed for understanding touch,
Was left to suffer on my own.
Refused to let intense emotions out,
Afraid I’d lose complete control.
Was filled with anger, sadness, shame and doubt,
Felt only chaos in my soul.
My comfort came when I deprived myself,
Distracted me from pain inside,
Was my attempt to run from inner self,
In anorexia I’d hide.
So here I am, the damage to endure,
My health will never be the same,
For some things I will never have a cure…
I’ve learned my lesson, it’s no game.
With scary moments that were touch and go,
I labored greatly for each breath,
Experience was such a jolt, a blow,
Decided I must run from death.
Though some days I can barely take a step,
The Lord is with me, strengthens me.
On days I have no energy, no pep,
He sometimes even carries me.
He listens as I share my heart with Him,
And He is helping me to face
The pain I’ve carried, buried deep within…
It’s all a part of this new race.
I’m used to racing, running, that is true,
My goal, though, was to run away
And never stop, but now I’m running to
A healthy place where I can stay.
I see sweet freedom at the finish line,
To keep on running, I now choose.
I know that vict’ry will someday be mine,
I’m staying in my running shoes.
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