For years Iíve been restricting food intake
And over-exercising, too,
And now Iím to the point, each step I take
Is almost more than I can do.
Desire to be fit and very thin
Got out of hand and thatís not all,
More reasons for the trouble I am in,
The inner pain that made me fall.
Depression, losses, sorrow seemed too much,
Iíd never felt so lost, alone.
Although I longed for understanding touch,
Was left to suffer on my own.
Refused to let intense emotions out,
Afraid Iíd lose complete control.
Was filled with anger, sadness, shame and doubt,
Felt only chaos in my soul.
My comfort came when I deprived myself,
Distracted me from pain inside,
Was my attempt to run from inner self,
In anorexia Iíd hide.
So here I am, the damage to endure,
My health will never be the same,
For some things I will never have a cureÖ
Iíve learned my lesson, itís no game.
With scary moments that were touch and go,
I labored greatly for each breath,
Experience was such a jolt, a blow,
Decided I must run from death.
Though some days I can barely take a step,
The Lord is with me, strengthens me.
On days I have no energy, no pep,
He sometimes even carries me.
He listens as I share my heart with Him,
And He is helping me to face
The pain Iíve carried, buried deep withinÖ
Itís all a part of this new race.
Iím used to racing, running, that is true,
My goal, though, was to run away
And never stop, but now Iím running to
A healthy place where I can stay.
I see sweet freedom at the finish line,
To keep on running, I now choose.
I know that victíry will someday be mine,
Iím staying in my running shoes.
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