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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sport or Fitness (02/15/07)

TITLE: The Great Escape From Steve’s Extreme Fitness Center
By Dan Blankenship
02/16/07


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“Bro, welcome to Steve’s Extreme Fitness Center! I’m Steve, owner, trainer, instructor, manager, and scheduler!”

“I’m Bill, I was just…”

“I know bro, you’re here to lose some body fat, add muscle tone, build up your endurance, maybe lay down a tan, and get ready for the beach, where the ladies are going to go crazy over the new you that Steve’s Extreme Fitness Center is going to create!”

“No, that’s not what I…”

“Oh, bro, I got ya, man, you’re a cage fighter. Dude, I got three black belts…one in Shorein Ryu, one in Isshin’ Ryu, and one in a system I developed last year…I call it Steve-Ryu; some people call it Extreme Steve Ryu, but I don’t like to brag. I won the golden gloves in 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2001. Gave four of my opponents a concussion and knocked one guy into the second row. I’ll train ya good, bro. I wrestled all six years of high school, too!”

“Six years of high school?”

“Hey, I didn’t have time for all that book stuff. I was busy building this creation you see before you. Look at these biceps, bro! Twenty-four inches of ripped protein mass. Dude, I could tear a New York City phone book in half before you could say ‘yes, I want to sign a ten year contract with Steve’s Extreme Fitness today!’”

“Ten year contract? No, I’m just here to…”

“Dude, I got it, you’re a long distance runner! Oh man, you’re in luck! I just bought a new virtual reality treadmill! It makes sure you don’t stop running! See, it has a virtual dog that chases you, then I hook up these electrodes that shock you if you slow down…feels just like a dogs teeth biting your calf! Coolest thing ever, I tell ya! Totally extreme, totally…so you ready to sign up, bro!”

“Steve, I’m not here to bulk up, lose, weight, get a tan, become a cage fighter, or train for a marathon.”

“Good, dude, I’m an ultra-marathoner myself! Those regular marathons are a joke! 26.2 miles; I could do that every day, before breakfast!”

“Steve, I’m not here to sign up for a membership!”

“Bro, don’t raise your voice to me! I’ll slap your head out your hair!”

“Sorry, I was just trying to get you to shut up for a minute…”

“Dude, did you just tell me to shut up?”

“No, I was just trying to explain to you…”

“Oh, you have to explain something to me? You saying I’m stupid?”

“No, that’s not what…I…I…”
“So, you going to sign up for a membership or what? Dude, are you praying? What kind of a sissy prays?”

“That guy back there on the bench press machine is praying right now.”

“Where? Hey, there isn’t even anyone back there on the bench press machine! Hey, get back here, you! Man, ultra-marathoners can be the biggest sissies sometimes! Come back here you pencil-neck geek! You tricked me! Ahh, whatever! Run away! You probably can’t even squat more than 900 pounds anyways!”

“Dear Lord, sorry about having to tell a small fib to get out of that situation. Maybe you could find another person to tell Steve his lease can’t be extended because the owner is selling the property? Someone slightly bigger and extremely well trained in the art of self-defense?”


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This article has been read 843 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Christine Dunn02/22/07
Very funny! Unfortunately I know a fitness fanatic like Steve, which made this even funnier! My favourite line:

'some people call it Extreme Steve Ryu, but I don’t like to brag. I won the golden gloves in 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2001. Gave four of my opponents a concussion and knocked one guy into the second row.'
Sara Harricharan 02/22/07
ROFL! I can't stop laughing! This is so funny. I love the 'sales pitch' and the prayer at the end. The funniest line was the one at the end with getting someone trained in self-defense. Very creative writing! Love it!
julie wood02/23/07
What a delightfully funny story! Terrific dialogue that brought the character to life. Great title, too--the moment I saw it, I guessed, accurately, that I was in for something hilarious!
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/23/07
A delightfully witty story!
Marilyn Schnepp 02/24/07
Loved it! Especially the ending! Great job...laughing all the way through.
Jacquelyn Horne02/24/07
Felt like a little mouse watching this situation. Good portrayal of characters. Good story.
Tabiatha Tallent02/26/07
I loved this. My favorite so far. It was too funny and had me ROFLOL the whole way through!
Marty Wellington 02/27/07
Wow! I loved every inch of this sprint through the fitness center. Terrific job of keeping your reader's attention.
Dan Blankenship 03/01/07
You have got to be kidding me???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't when anything on this one?????????????


I know I messed up "dog's teeth", but please. This was by far the best story out of this week's competition!


Whatever...

Dan

Dan Blankenship 03/01/07
I was so upset that I used "when" for "win"!!!!!!!

I have been a member of Faithwriters for a long time, and I have never complained about anything. But I believe this week was robbed!

I will never enter the weekly competition ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Christine Dunn03/11/07
Try not to take this too badly, Dan! I enjoyed your article very much, and as someone once pointed out, rather than writing to win, take the comments that you have been given as a true reflection on your piece, and use it to glorify God whether it places or not.

I know how you feel, as this is the first time I have placed in advanced after writing quite a few articles. Some of what I would consider my best work hasn't even placed in the top 40! I suppose what it boils down to is a matter of taste. Writing is pretty subjective. I wouldn't say my article this week is my best, yet it placed, perhaps because it had a good message. Who knows?

If you want to know more about how the challenges are judged, look on the Writing Challenge Message Board, which outlines the challenge judging criteria.

Another thing which helped me, was to read others' work in detail and praise them for their success. Sometimes I thought, 'My piece is bound to place this week!', and then I started to read the other articles in depth, and found the quality amazing. So, if I don't place now, I just congratulate the winners.

But I know what you mean, Dan. I did think that your piece would place too when I read it, as it was very funny. However, just keep trying, and don't give up!