The Official Writing Challenge
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02/22/07
Hmmm... Good idea. A Christian gym! I'm glad your character decided to work out after all. Noticed just a few punctuation mistakes e.g. "Is it that time." Other than this, I enjoyed your article.
02/22/07
Not too sure about the POV's on this piece. I notice you used some thoughts but didn't really seem to be telling it from David's POV. Just my opinion though. I thought this was funny and I especially liked the character of the wife and the line about doubling life insurance. Nice touch with having a Christian Gym. Wish one of those were in my area. ^_^
02/24/07
I'm not surprised that the YMCA is a Christian Organization. After all,it's initials are for Young Men's Christian Association...so? That's the way it began. Good story.
I like the use of conversation throughout to tell your story. I especially chuckled at David's private thoughts. It's a fun-to-read and believable husband/wife scenario.
02/26/07
I noticed a few comma issues, but this was a nicely written story overall. I enjoyed hearing the MC's thoughts.
I'm glad the wives "nagged" them into going. ;0)
I'd like to see this expanded, and get to know the two couples better. It almost reads like a sit com. That't a compliment, by the way.
02/27/07
Oh, I enjoyed this. As others have noted, I especially enjoyed the thoughts or "side-comments." That made it feel more realistic. Great job.
This was written so true to life it could almost be an expose. I like the way you led your protagonist to make all the right choices for his life.
02/27/07
A nice story. I enjoyed reading this. My gym does play Christian music but not all the time. Loved the dialect. Thanks for sharing this
02/28/07
Good story with a good point that other business people are exercising, too. I liked hearing David's thoughts. :-)