The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1369 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I really like the analogy in this piece. I'm not sure the last sentences with the humans talking really add a whole lot. You've already made your point, and quite well, I might add. It would have been fun to end it with the fish's thoughts, and let the reader draw their own conclusions.
This was a fun read, and well written, too. Kudos!
02/09/07
Super read! Loved it! Very creative and a fun story!
02/10/07
Good laughs here! Nicely done. I like the fish telling "fish tales."
02/10/07
Cute and unique perspecitve on the topic. I like how human your fish are, especially with Sammy not believing the warning. Great job.
02/10/07
Really clever, and the lesson is not lost. A very cute cautionary tale, would be cute for a Sunday School lesson.

Be careful of breath/breathe.

Personally, I always felt sorry for the poor fish. My husband tells me they don't feel it when they're hooked--but how would he know? I'll bet they're plenty embarrassed, too.
02/10/07
Cool perspective, very creative. Took me a few lines to figure you were talking about fish. Nice job and lesson. God bless.
02/11/07
Great fun. Lovely take on the theme. I agreed with the earlier commentator that the humanís contribution spoiled the ending a little. I think it would have ended better if we had been left with the image in our mindís eye of the slowly dying fish regretting his folly. Maybe then a Bible verse to draw out the application? But nevertheless original and witty.
Very cute story! I loved it!
Very creative, and nice analogy. I got your point. (GROAN!)
02/11/07
Really cute. We're a big fishing family, and we usually throw the fish back. My dad always told me they didn't feel anything, but he was always careful to remove the hook gently. I enjoyed "experiencing" the event from the fish's perspective.
02/12/07
I thought this was an excellent analogy. As others have suggested I would consider leaving off the ending where the humans talk. I know my teens would find that "preachy", but they would enjoy the rest of the story and get the message loud and clear. Great job!
Loved the moral of this story. My thoughts? Get rid of the humans. I know you've heard it several times, but I honestly was thinking this before I read the comments.
02/15/07
He hehe - so cute!!!! (I wrote one awhile back from the fish's POV view, too). Congrats!!!!!
02/15/07
Congrates girl! I told you that I thought that this one was great and see, even the judges thought so too. You are such a blessing...and now you got yourself a double blessing!
02/15/07
Allison, I am soo happy for you. Congrats on the EC. God bless.
02/16/07
You are such a delightful writer, Allison! I enjoyed your story. Congratulations on your well-deserved win.
02/16/07
Allison, This was just delightful! I enjoyed it very much. I too would have gotten rid of the humans at the end, and used those precious last few words in the word count to finish out Sammy's last thoughts. A great lesson imbedded in a fun read. Blessings, Cheri