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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Gone Fishing (02/01/07)

TITLE: Them Whot Got Away
By Kenn Allan


Welcome aboard! I yam Ol' Cap'n Biff,
An' th' RUDDERLESS I be th' name of me skiff—
Kindly step to the stern an' git moored to a pew
An' I'll tell ye 'bout fishin' fer men - likes I do.

I've been sailin' these waters afore ye was born
From the Berth of Perdition to Gabriel's Horn—
I knows every trick of them fish in the sea
So thar's no better fisher to teach ye than me.

If it's Shallowtail Snapper yer crave to reel in,
Ye jus' cross-bait th' hook with a big glob of sin
An' then dangle it lively in front of th' nose—
They'll snap it right up! Down th' gullet it goes!
When th' hook finds it's mark an' the sea billows red,
Ye kin use th' Good Book to whump hard on its head;
I've hear'd they quit fightin', roll over, an' float ...

... Tho' I've never yet gotten one into me boat.

An' here's a grand tip if ye happen to find
A Lost Mackerel school of th' holier kind—
Persuade 'em their method of swimmin' is wrong
'Cause th' fins they've been usin' are too blasted long;
When they splash up a fuss, ye jus' criticize louder
An' soon ye'll be swimmin' in Mackerel chowder!
Yer young'uns kin feast on th' portions ye,ll waste ...

... Tho' as of today I've had nary a taste.

Beware th' Black Swordfish whot lurks in th' south—
He kin slice up an' parry each word from yer mouth;
Fer three nights an' a day we once shared glancing blows
Whilst I tried to grab 'hold of his well-informed nose;
If I had've knowed more 'bout th' wiles of that beast,
I might stayed thar a-scrappin' ... instead, I released ...
Thar's no tellin' whot evil he's spawned 'til this day ...

... Tho' I've spotted him since ... he's been too far away.

But as a landlubber, ye might want to start
With a less feisty fish whot be fainter of heart—
Some Suffer-Faced Flounder should suit ye jus' fine
'Cause they hanker fer love an' bite hard on th' line;
Once ye heave 'em aboard they ain't much worth pursuin',
Unless coddlin' fish is a thing ye likes doin'—
With gentle persuadin' I've hear'd they rebound ...

... Tho' the ones I have ketched all git weepy an' drown'd.

Wahl, God bless me soul! Twilight shadows are stretchin'!
Thar's Groupers to gather an' Soles whot needs fetchin';
We've wasted th' mornin' with seafarin' talk—
Kin'ly untie me skiff once ye git on the dock,
Or iffen ye'd like, ye kin serve as my crew ...

... An' mebbe someday ye'll steer RUDDERLESS II.

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This article has been read 1565 times
Member Comments
Member Date
TJ Nickel02/08/07
I could see the pictures of each page in this sketch...real nice dialect.
Joanne Malley02/09/07
This sure is different! Consistent dialect, although, (for me) I found it hard to read through. Terrific job on this one, though - right on topic. Blessings. Jo
Jan Ackerson 02/10/07
No spot on the mantel for this one...but one of those singing trout plaques! He's singing "another win for Kenn..."
william price02/10/07
Well done, creative, consistant. A little difficult to follow at first, but your consistancy of the fishermans speach made it easier. Excellent job. God bless.
Betty Castleberry02/10/07
I thought this was lots of fun. I especially liked the "Suffer-Faced Flounder" stanza. I could just picture a fussy lady in a big feathered hat. I do admit, it was a tad hard to read in places, but a winner in spite of that. Well done.
Shari Armstrong 02/10/07
Too funny - and some doses of truth :)
Sandra Petersen 02/10/07
This was pretty funny, and I envy your sense of rhythm and meter. Excellent use of dialect throughout. Wouldn't be surprised if this placed.
Ann Grover02/10/07
Oh, the ironies and truths to be read here! Deep. I loved the dialect / rhythm... perfection. You probably already know about the contraction / possessive error in line 5 of stanza 3.
Sheri Gordon02/10/07
I found the "salty fisherman" dialect easy to read -- maybe because I just finished reading "Old Man and the Sea" with my son. I loved the story as a pure fishing story, and for its deeper meaning as well.
Sally Hanan02/10/07
Lots of fun here, and a tongue in cheek laugh at church members & sinners alike :)
cindy yarger02/14/07
Just plain fun. Your talent overwhelms me that every line flows. You are very gifted and it is wonderful to read your work!
Jacquelyn Horne02/14/07
I really like this. It is so different, humorous, yet true. A true winner.
Tabiatha Tallent02/15/07
I always love your stuff, but this one because you were able to keep up the dialect and rhythm and meter all at once. Truly masterful.
Allison Egley 02/15/07
Congrats! This was great, Kenn.
Allen Clupny02/15/07
It's good.
Beth Muehlhausen02/15/07
Wowwwww, just awesome, as usual!! A piece from a master....er....a masterpiece!! :-)
william price02/15/07
Kenn, Great job again. Congrats. God bless.
David Butler06/22/07
Isn't it amazing the variety of ways that you can get the message across? This is Vintage Kenn Allan.