The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/10/07
Nice story with a good message. You might want to consider adding a little dialogue to the story to help break up the voice in the piece. Also you told us most of the story instead of showing us. Just a few things to work on to improve future works. But that said, I enjoyed your story and was ministered to. Keep up the fine work for the Lord. God bless.
02/11/07
Your story is inspirational. Light, yet deep. It could be helpful to reference some scripture as the man is going to each person. That would make it easier for people to refer the actual passages and situations from the Bible. I really enjoyed this.
I enjoyed this, but was a little confused about using Jesus in the present as a real being. If you were talking in the past, or used the spirit talking to your heart, I could have grasped it. However, it was very good and I really enjoyed the ending.