The Official Writing Challenge
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02/08/07
Whew! Tense! Great build up and in keeping the reader 'hooked.' ;) Good atmosphere, dialogue and ending! Loved it!
02/08/07
Except for my being a bit confused at first who's POV it was going to be(mother or daughter) a great reflective story about a family. Good tension, not knowing till the very end what happens :)

I like the change of pace between the rest of the family's quick sentances, and the husband's rambling, relaxed thoughts :)
02/08/07
I wanted a mystery/action story and this sure delievered! I enjoyed the building suspense and the climax ending with the bolt of lightening. I noticed one spot where an extra space would have helped with the suspense. Just before he got hit in the head, skip that down another space, it usually holds more impact. The POV was a little tricky in front, trying it from the daughter's point of view, or first person instead of naming the mother. I thought it was pretty good though! ^_^
02/08/07
Good job. I like this story. It's a nice change of pace.
02/08/07
I loved this entry. The build up was great! I would add more lively conversation at the beginning to grab your reader. Loved the tension build up. This little gem has heart.
02/08/07
Very fun story! I was a little confused figuring out who the characters were--maybe naming Jimmy as the son in the beginning might help.

You did well at showing the motivations of the characters.

I like the story. :)

SisJ
02/08/07
Oh, sorry! I do see the ID of Jimmy right at the beginning. My bad.

Still a great story. :)
02/08/07
Well done story, except I would have had the son find the father floating in the boat unconscious with a smile on his face, mumbling as he is drug onto shore.. "You should have seen the one that got away.."
02/09/07
Loved the story with all the different characters - wish I could do that but fiction just doesn't come easily. Well done.
Great story! I was a tad confused as to who all the characters were at first, too, but I figured it out. :-)
02/10/07
A very nice piece, and with a nice ending. Writing was excellent, and I enjoyed the family atmosphere. Good job.
02/10/07
Yep, lots of suspense here, and I like the hint that Caroline will "come around."
02/10/07
Super job. One of your best. Glad to see you entering again. God bless.
You had me "hooked." I was hoping for a good outcome, and you delivered. This would be a good piece to expand, showing the family dynamics, and what happens to Caroline. Nicely done.
02/10/07
I also think this could be just a part of a bigger story. Just this little bit makes me want to know the characters' stories ... they already intrigue me.
I liked the way the tone changed when the scene changed. Good job.
I enjoyed this all the way!
I feel I got to know this family by all the little extras you wrote about each one. Great job!
I really enjoyed this. It felt like a snapshot of a bigger story, and I felt connected to the characters from the brief glimpse we got of their lives.
02/13/07
I loved the characters and felt drawn to them. Your writing made me want to know them. The story kept my attention. I felt the ending was a bit quick, but I'm sure it had to do with every writer's challenge -- the dreaded word count!! Great job! Thanks, Cheri
02/13/07
This is such a pleasant read...and I'm so glad for the happy ending! Good job! Blessings, Jo
02/13/07
You hooked me, then reeled me in with this one. :) I, too, was glad for the happy ending - you had me worried there for a bit. :)
02/14/07
Great job! The characters were so very real and vivid! Loved the emotion and the pace of it.
Great job of building tension, mixing the emotions of the characters with the encroaching storm. I liked the way you were able to show the depth of each of your character's feelings>
Great job, great characters ... I enjoyed the read.