The Official Writing Challenge
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01/27/07
This reads like the first chapter of a novel. The descriptions of the house were intriguing and vivid. Just one suggestion - Use shorter paragraphs to make it a little easier to read.
01/28/07
Some great images here, wonderful characters. (some of the sentances seem a bit rambling and occasionally hard to follow). Loved the ending.
I liked this style of writing. It seemed Victorian, with the longer sentences and the decsriptions embedded within. I was wishing the setting was a Vitorian time period, but I don't think you meant it to be. I'd love to see something writen by you in that time period! I was so glad to get your 'Hint" so I could enjoy this!
01/29/07
Nicely written, a style of writing not often seen here. I enjoyed it.
Most enjoyable, but some of the sentences were lengthy. Very descriptive, though, with a touching finish.
01/30/07
Wonderful, wonderful description. I enjoyed the longer sentences for the most part, but did get a bit lost in some. Just a preference thing, though. Thanks so much for sharing!
01/30/07
Very descriptive passages and an interesting story. I enjoyed the ending, and I like the way you "paint" a scene. Thanks for sharing this
01/30/07
You have great talent for description, something I really lack. That having been said, the sentences were too long. I got lost in them and felt weary trying to straighten each one out before I could move on. Chop them up a bit and vary their length. It will help the reader follow the story line. It's too beautiful a story for people to feel bogged down and quit reading! That having been said, I want to repeat: you are a talented writer, and it's clear to see that one of your fortes is description!
01/31/07
Thanks for all of the comments! They've been really helpful; I'll try to use a more varied sentence pattern next time......
01/31/07
Kudos! I liked this very much, the touch of mystery kept me reading all the way through. A few more spaces would have helped for easier reading-but very well done! ^_^