The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/20/07
Great ideas in this delightful poem - but if you want honesty; the meter was off which took away from the sentiment...which was excellent. It needs to flow with a rhymic beat. But I loved the creative idea within. Keep at it, practice makes perfect...
01/20/07
This is really a delightful poem and I didn't find the altered rhythm too distracting. But, to polish it off to precision, try counting and accenting syllables and you'll see where problems need attention. Otherwise, "On target!" for the challenge.
01/20/07
Excellent concept and i loved the message. God bless.
Very fun poem. I love that your heart is shown in each of your pieces I have read so far. Good job. Other than small editing on number of lines and syllables this is really good and I like your ending-very nice,Janice