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The following dialogue between Lucifer and his demons takes place in a typical Americanized church.
Lucifer: What’s he praying about this time?
Spirit of Lust: He’s asking God to help him stop looking at pornography.
Lucifer: So, what’s his focus of lust?
Spirit of Lust: He’s big into lesbianism and group sex. He looks at it every chance he gets at work and at home.
Lucifer: Has he ever been caught?
Spirit of Lust: Oh, no way. I make sure of that? He’s hooked so deep it would take an act of you know who to get him free from this tangled web. Oh, ha, no pun intended.
Lucifer: Good. You’re doing a fine job Lust. I think we’ll add a little extra self condemnation to the recipe; get him really down on himself and make him question his salvation.
Spirit of Self Condemnation: You called me master?
Lucifer: Yes, condemnation, I did. I want you to really torment this man’s mind. Make him feel worthless and unable to continue with his ministry.
Spirit of Self Condemnation: I’ll do my best master, but don’t you think we need to bring worthlessness on board. He’s far better equipped at this than I am.
Lucifer: I have him working overtime on the church secretary and the head deacon, but I guess this is more important. Okay, get him in here too. This recipe is really costing me a lot of extra time. I can’t be everywhere at one time you know like you know who?
Spirit of Worthlessness: No, who master?
Spirit of Lust: Him, you idiot.
Spirit of Worthlessness: Oh, yes, Him. Forgive me master.
Lucifer: Forgiveness is not one of my virtues. Slap him for me Lust.
Lust: My pleasure master.
Lucifer: Shut up, he’s praying some more. Let’s listen.
Man: Oh, God, please help me not to do this again. I am so ashamed, but I can’t seem to stop. I wan to stop, but every time I think I am over it, I find myself right back in the middle of it. My wife knows something is going on. I find myself lying to her all the time to keep this hidden. My ministry is suffering because of it too. I don’t feel your presence or power in my sermons and prayers anymore. When I counsel women for marital problems I find myself lusting after them and well you know what I’ve been thinking and feeling.
Lust: Ain’t he stupid. He just needs to get rid of the internet and the temptation would be gone.
Lucifer: You idiot. We don’t want him to know that.
Man: I just had a thought. Maybe if I get rid of the internet I won’t be tempted so easily. Yea, that’s a great idea.
Lucifer: Great, now you’ve given him a way out. You stupid idiot! Get him out of my sight.
Spirit of Worthlessness: Do not worry master; I can fill him with so much regret and worthlessness over all of this that he’ll never believe that he could ever be forgiven.
I’ll make him think that he can’t continue to do his job. He’ll quit and never preach again.
Lucifer: No, that’s not the way to do it. We want him in the pulpit. The best thing for us is to have a preacher doing his job without any power. He will be ineffective and not be able to show those miserable Christians the right way to do things. He won’t believe in his own words and will think that God won’t help him because of his sin. He’ll be too embarrassed to confess his sin to anyone and will continue on this path until he dies.
All the other spirits: That’s smart thinking master. It’s no wonder that you are the master of deception. All hail King Lucifer.
Lucifer: Thank you. Thank you.
Man: I can’t give up the internet; I need it for my ministry. I’ll just do my best to avoid those places. I can do it. I feel better. Thank you God for forgiving me; I’ll do better, I promise. Amen.
Lucifer: Another fine round of cooking I’d say; you demons keep up the good work. I’m headed for the Bishops house; he’s starting to ask for forgiveness too. What’s this world coming too?
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