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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Unsung Hero (12/07/06)

TITLE: The Continuing Adventures of Captain Thesaurus
By T. F. Chezum


The citizens of Vocabula prepared for their annual picnic. Unbeknownst to them, something sinister loomed which would endanger their quiet town.

Meanwhile, at a café inside the secret headquarters of the Grammar Allies Guild, a group of uncelebrated heroes enjoyed lunch.

“Oh no, he’s here.” The Librarian peered over the spectacles perched on the tip of her nose.

“Who?” Dewey inquired, a blob of tapioca dangling from his lip.

“The Captain,” she retorted. “He’s coming this way.”

Captain Thesaurus sauntered toward them. “Hello my friends, my comrades, my buddies.” He leaned against the table. “Miss Librarian, Mr. Decimal, how…” The table tipped. He staggered, falling against the giant Jell-o mold in the shape of an ampersand.

Dewey’s tapioca boat teetered; he tried to rescue it. The pudding dish squirted between his fingertips and spun across the table. Stopping on the ledge the coagulated dessert undulated for a moment before toppling over and spilling into the Librarian’s purse.

The Captain rushed back to the table, gelatin fragments bouncing everywhere. “I’m such a bungling, stumbling, incompetent…”

“We know.” Dewey surveyed the purse, trying to salvage some of his lost treat.

“How can I repay you, make amends, compensate you for your…”

An alarm chimed as a hidden panel opened revealing a large screen videophone.

A commotion buzzed through the cafeteria.

“Shhhhhhhh.” The Librarian’s call for quiet cut through the drone of the crowd.

The guild members gathered.

Captain Thesaurus wedged his way between his colleagues. “This must be important, grandiose, exceptional…”

“Please Captain,” The Librarian scolded.

“Thesaurus,” hissed a familiar voice. “I’m back!”

A simultaneous gasp erupted from the group. “Adjective Capone!”

“That’s ridiculous, absurd, preposterous.” The Captain stepped forward to address his comrades. “Adjective Capone was sent up the river, to the big house, the slammer…”

“Your feeble attempts to confine me were a miserable, laughable failure,” the villain chuckled.

“I’ll get you, my nemesis, my rival, my foe,” Thesaurus growled.

“Stop your incessant, incoherent babbling.” He leaned forward, as if to poke his head through the screen. “I want you to see something.” He pointed the camera to the side showing a young lady tied to a chair.

“Miss Vowel!” the Captain uttered. “Unhand her you barbarian, you beast, you fiend.”

“The beautiful, flaxen haired Veronica is an integral component in my brilliant and diabolical scheme.” The camera panned back. The chair sat balanced on a piece of wood projecting off the edge of a balcony, a large bucket sat beside her. “My trusty, ingenious device will drop thousands of tiny, colorful pebbles, one at a time, into the cold, steel container. Soon the board will tip, plunging this bound and helpless girl into the large, cast-iron vat full of deadly, molten pewter, causing it to spill and flood the town.”

“This is unconscionable, outrageous, horrific.”

“It’s you’re choice. Save the pretty, young, blonde and your precious Vocabularians, or capture me.”

A crowd gathered near the retired foundry. Captain thesaurus screeched to a stop on his synonym cycle. “Greetings citizens. Have you seen…” His bike teetered and fell over. “I’m okay, alright, unharmed.”

“You mean that creepy dude? He left.” A young boy stepped forward. “He told us to stay here and watch the show.”

“You must vacate this area, leave immediately, evacuate.” The Captain bounded inside. He scrambled up the stairs to the top floor. “Miss…Vowel,” he gasped, prying off his helmet.

“Why didn’t you take the elevator?” she whimpered. “We’re running out of time.”

The monotonous plink of the pebbles bouncing in the spittoon echoed in the building; the plank quivered under the tension.

“I have an idea, a thought, an epiphany.” The hero stepped closer. “I’ll throw my shoe and knock the pail over, cause it to spill, dislodge it.”

He pulled off his right shoe and launched the projectile.

“Ouch!” Veronica grimaced.

“I’m sorry, regretful, compunctious.” He pulled off his other sneaker.

“Please, be careful.” She ducked.

The Captain leaned forward and hurled the second shoe. It careened of the side off the container; the bucket wobbled, but didn’t fall. “I know,” he blurted. He grabbed his helmet and aimed.

“Oh no,” Veronica squealed.

The helmet sailed, smashing against its target. Little rocks rained over the lower floors of the factory.

With great care the adventurer pulled the damsel to safety and freed her.

She fell into his arms. “My hero.”

“When I’m on the job you need not be perturbed, apprehensive, overwrought.” He flashed his hero smile.

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This article has been read 1324 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 12/14/06
OOOOOOH — I wish I was this clever! Masterfully done!
Pat Guy 12/14/06
Ingenious! Brilliant! Innovational! :)

Creatively awesome. :)
william price12/14/06
So creative. Such an imagination here. And masterfully presented as well. God bless.
Maxx .12/14/06
I don't get it ......


Outrageous, bizarre, spandex-worthy!

Creative and original enough to be a contender. (BUT, my advice would have been to go after the bad Adjective Capone ... girls are ALWAYS more trouble! ;-) )
Jacqueline Zerres12/14/06
I smiled all the way through this one. Great job!
Verna Cole Mitchell 12/15/06
How imaginative! I loved it!
Betty Castleberry12/15/06
I'm still grinning. This well written piece was lots of fun. Excellent.
Amy Michelle Wiley 12/15/06
I loved this except that I got lost at the end and have no idea how he saved the girl without flooding the town, but very clever, witty, charming. This is one of those stories that makes a writer go, "Why didn't I think of that?" LOL!
Suzanne R12/17/06
Brilliant ... etc etc etc :-)
Beth Muehlhausen12/17/06
Creative beyond words. LOL

Oh alright. Creative, artistic, clever, cool, demiurgic, deviceful, fertile, formative, gifted, hep, hip, ingenious, innovational, innovative, innovatory, inspired, inventive, original, originative, productive, prolific, stimulating, visionary, way out.

There, that should cover it. :-)
Sara Harricharan 12/18/06
ROTFL! I'm still laughing, what a creative and hilarious idea. I see the title said the continuing adventures-are there more that I haven't read? If so, I'd love to read them.
Captain Thesaurus was a delightful hero and you did a great job with this!
Catrina Bradley 12/19/06
No one left me any words to use to tell you how brilliant, stupendous and sidesplitting this piece was! Would loved to have heard more adjectives from Adjective Capone, but there is that word count thing. Great job!
Jan Ackerson 12/19/06
Word play and humor--one of my favorite combinations! I love it!
Joanne Sher 12/19/06
What everyone else said ;)
PLUS - SO glad you are back - this is the stuff we missed for months and months! I imagine this was a total blast to write. Thanks for doin' it, Tim!
Sandra Petersen 12/20/06
Man, I could see this as a comic book! I enjoyed how Captain Thesaurus lives up to his name and uses redundant, repetitive synonyms for all his speech. This would be a great series for an elementary school literacy program.
Donna Haug12/20/06
Ha! Too funny. Way creative. Hilerious. Am I allowed to point out a teeny, tiny, typo?? ;) "It's you're choice..." ;) otherwise ... maravilhoso!
Joanne Sher 10/19/08
Laughing hysterically once again.
Celeste Ammirata10/26/08
You are too funny. Thanks for making me laugh...again!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/12/10
I love these characters and do hope you do more with them. I think they could be a fun but educational resource. Love it!!!