The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/15/06
Very sensory--we can see and hear and smell this unfolding.

The practical side of me wants to say, if he's dead, how did he write this? I feel that way whenever I read "narrated from the dead pieces," though, not just this one.

A vivid reminder of a horrible day.
Very descriptive account of "that day." I have to say I agree with some of the other comments, though. I wonder how he could have written this if he was dead. But then, we are writers, huh? We are allowed a little license here and there. Over all, very good job.
12/19/06
I like your article, very descriptive and well written. I did have a small problem with the beginning -
"I am a resident of the city of Life and I have lived here since I was born"
If this is being told from the perspective of a dead person, then this opening doesn't make sense (to me anyway). And one "to" that should be "too" that jumped at me. But the writing is good! Keep it up.