The Official Writing Challenge
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12/07/06
Very unique idea! The dialogue flowed and was very natural sounding. In the few places where the MC repeats the "invisible" characters questions, it was a little ... forced? But overall I loved it. Great scripture at the end - summed it up nicely. Well done!!
12/08/06
What a creative way to tell this story! I can just see this conversation, and it's very clever of you to make your readers fill in the gaps. You force us to linger there on the bench with you--good job!
12/10/06
Oh, I get it now, I hope. My skull's a lil thick. I thought two guys were talking, but its the same guy. Great job and a diffucult excerise in conversation. It reads very cleaver now that I'm awake.(I do pray I'm right with the one guy thing), but I've sounded silly before. I'll stop now. I enjoyed it. God bless.
12/11/06
Your title is perfect! And though I had a bit of trouble following at first, the minor confusion well-illustrated this perishing man's seeing all the God talk as foolishness. Left me wondering if Marilyn's hubby ever "gets it." Nice work. Blessings, Cheri
This made me think of the George Strait song, "The Chair." I'm a George fan, so that's a good thing. I thought this was creative. I really hope this guy "gets it" before it's too late. Maybe you should expand this piece and let us know. ;0)
12/12/06
Quite unique format. While I did get lost a bit, overall I found your article very revealing about the inner struggle we all face with our innerselves over faith issues. Quite refreshing.
12/13/06
A very interesting piece, I enjoyed reading it, and although a little confusing in a few places, overall it was a great read.
Thanks for commenting on An Amber-eyed Adventure!
12/13/06
I really enjoyed the clever way your approached this one! Thanks for writing.
12/14/06
I bet Marilyn is going to be glad that preacher's praying for her husband! Clever use of the phrase, "Well, speak of the devil...."
This is a wonderful story to illustrate the title. The gospel is presented so clearly in a crative way.
I think the only suggestion I would have would be to put a divider?? of some kind between the paragraphs, just to alert the reader right away that someone else is talking, or maybe the title might indicate it in the title "One Side of the Story-- The Foolishness of the Perishing." (You could probably think of a better title.) The monologue is so realistic. I love it.
This is interesting and very good writing. The only improvement I would make is in identifying the speakers. I was a little confused there. Good job.
06/25/07
Thanks for posting a link on this, what a fun read. I agree with the comment, once I knew from your prompt to read it as one side of a conversation, I understood it and loved it. If perhaps you added that to your title as suggested, it would be perfect. I really enjoyed this, you nailed it!
06/26/07
I had no trouble reading and understanding this since I knew from your post it was a single voice. If I hadn't known, I may have been confused at the beginning, but I think I would have figured it out by the conversation as I went along.
It's clever and well written.
06/26/07
Presenting the gospel from the POV of a self-centred husband of a new believer. What a great idea. It would get even the hardest sceptic thinking.
I wonder if the pastor would have been unwise to mention about money at all, but even good pastors can make mistakes.
This was easy to identify with as I've had these same conversations in my head. Your Bible reference was right on and wrapped it up nicely. I did stumble over it being a solitaire dialogue, but feel that could be fixed by something that would draw the reader's attention that the MC appears to be muttering to himself. And, I just bet you could do it in a humurous, entertaining way!
06/26/07
Very real and true to life. You made it very easy to visualize the men sitting on the bench. I enjoyed the monologue. It's hard to understand why some people can't see the truth, but this story is all too true. I enjoyed it.