The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
12/08/06
Good job with the parallels between the ancient Paul and Timothy, and their modern (futuristic) counterparts.

A few sentences were run-on or confusing, nothing that a careful edit couldn't fix.

Good characterization.
12/09/06
I enjoyed the story very much. God bless.
12/11/06
I was definitely engrossed. I also loved the parallels between these men and the biblical ones. Other than a few runon sentences, I truly enjoyed this from beginning to end!
12/11/06
It took me 3/4 of the way through the story to understand who you were talking about, but once I did I enjoyed it even more than I already had. Excellent story! Very nicely done.
12/12/06
I too loved the parallel characters. Aside from the run-ons already mentioned, fabulous job of telling this story.
12/12/06
I loved the parallels between Paul and Timothy to the New Testament characters, and was only mildly distracted by the couple of run-on sentences. Overall, a very nice job. Blessings, Cheri
I enjoyed this updated version of Paul's experience. I also found a few of the sentences needed little things like comas to make them easier to read, but overall this was really good. I liked how you included the bit about the wink with his back to the mirror and Tim wriggling toes in his shoes. Very nice touches. :)
A unique idea! I enjoyed the story very much.