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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Pastor (11/30/06)

TITLE: Food and Fur for Free
By Betty Castleberry
12/01/06


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The Maple Street Good News Church Bulletin, December 3:
From the Pastor’s Desk:

Thank you for choosing me as your pastor. I am looking forward to getting to know each of you.

Caroline and I have just moved into the parsonage, and will be at home this week. We are anxious to receive visitors, and would love to have you stop by.

The Maple Street Good News Church Bulletin
From the Pastor’s Desk, December 10:

I would like to thank everyone for visiting this week. Caroline and I are humbled by the generosity of the congregation. We are particularly grateful for the five pot roasts, three stewed chickens, four apple pies, tater tot casserole, and turkey you all so graciously gave to us. We are exhausted from our move and did not have the energy to cook. We’re wondering if anyone has a little extra room in their freezer?

We’re also curious as to who left the puppy on the door step. While the puppy is very cute, if this was a mistake, we would be happy to return it. I understand how much money the church spent on carpet for the parsonage.

The Maple Street Good News Church Bulletin
From the Pastor’s Desk, December 17

Apparently, there are some very thoughtful people in our church. I was most impressed with the carolers who came to our house, and have never known musicians to accompany carolers before. I have never heard “Silent Night” played on the bagpipes. I hope you forgave the rude neighbor who threw things at you. I wish we could have offered hot chocolate and cookies, but hope everyone understands that we don’t believe in being wasteful. Since Caroline doesn’t bake, she was most happy to warm up some beef roast and tater tot casserole.

There is one thing I would like to bring to the congregation’s attention. Another puppy appeared on our doorstep. I am quite sure it didn’t just wander there, because it was wearing a big red bow on its neck, and a gift tag that read, “To The Nettles.” This puppy is undoubtedly a sibling to the first one we found on the doorstep. I would like to ask who the owners of a recently pregnant dog might be. I don’t want to appear unappreciative, but feel it might be appropriate to counsel with them. Caroline and I really do like puppies, but do not like getting up to put them out at two in the morning. And four. And six.

Never having owned puppies before, I was quite shocked to learn such tiny puppies could drag a heavy turkey carcass out of the trash and wedge it underneath my favorite recliner. I still probably wouldn’t know they could do such a thing if I hadn’t noticed a peculiar odor coming from under my chair.

The Maple Street Good News Church Bulletin
From the Pastor’s Desk, December 24

What an unforgettable week we have had. Since mentioning Caroline doesn’t bake, a parade of fruit cakes have appeared at our house. One was quite extraordinary. Caroline was positively giddy while munching on it, then promptly fell asleep.

We were discussing the candlelight service when someone knocked on our door. It was the florist delivering a huge Christmas arrangement from the church. We had no sooner gotten it inside than we heard another knock. When we opened the door, we didn’t see anyone. However, there was a note instructing us to carefully examine the floral arrangement. We did, and found a tiny kitten nestled in among the red carnations. The attached note said since the jury was still out on the puppies, perhaps we would like a kitten better.

Although kittens seem to instinctively understand that carpet is expensive, they don’t have the same instinct about drapes. The parsonage’s drapes are now permanently air conditioned.

We would like to invite the congregation over for snacks after the candlelight service tonight. Whoever has the chickens in their freezer, would you kindly bring them with you?

We also decided to have door prizes, thinking it might be a good way to return some of the love and generosity we have been shown since coming here. In case you are blessed enough to win one of the three door prizes, I suggest you bring along a pet carrier.

We are looking forward to tonight, and remember, Jesus is the reason for the season.


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This article has been read 1357 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Gregory Kane12/08/06
Delicious lunacy. I can tell you had great fun reading this. I love the deliberate understatements – air-conditioned drapes, being my favourite. One little presentation point – I suspect the narrative would flow better with an additional line break before each new bulletin announcement.
Jan Ackerson 12/08/06
Never stopped grinning from the first word to the last. Absolutely adorable!
Shanti Singh12/08/06
This was pure fun. Thanks so much for brightening my day!
Verna Cole Mitchell 12/08/06
I really did love this. it was so cleverly written--just the type of humor I enjoy.
william price12/09/06
I love the kind of smile this grand story gave me as read it. It's one of those lingering smiles I'm sure I'll be carring with me for days to come. Excellent job and God bless.
Amy Michelle Wiley 12/10/06
Love it! Too funny!
Leigh MacKelvey12/10/06
I don't often laugh out loud when reading entries, but the fruitcake paragraph did me in!
Rose Spagnola12/11/06
This one I will forward to my pastor who I imagine could use a little bit more humor in his job too. Wonderfuly written.
Joanne Sher 12/11/06
Oh, Betty - what a RIOT! This is simply fun and charming and pleasant. Loved it!
Donna Emery12/11/06
I laughed out loud. I could imagine the pastor's tongue set firmly in his cheek as he wrote these newsletters. Very well done! Thanks for sharing it.
Lynda Schultz 12/11/06
Delightful! This conregation sounds like "a keeper" to me. Great job.
Marty Wellington 12/12/06
Loved the charm and wit of this wonderful piece. Unique take on the subject and well done. Bravo.
Linora Moore12/12/06
How delightful! It sounds like a first hand account, poor dears.
from another pastors' wife
Cheri Hardaway 12/12/06
This was delightful! Entertaining and fun from start to finish. I'll bet it was fun to write! Blessings, Cheri
Ruth Neilson12/12/06
this humor is perfect for what I needed after my past two days. Thank you for making me laugh aloud and thank you for sharing. Blessings!
Catrina Bradley 12/12/06
I'm still smiling. You did an awesome job, and I enjoyed it very much. I loved the "exraordinary" fruit cake. An original, take on the topic.
Debbie Sickler12/13/06
There were so many cute lines in this. Very fun entry and loved the pastor's cheeky personality. :)
Sara Harricharan 12/14/06
This was hilarious! I'm glad I didn't miss reading it, thanks to deboggy's links. I especially loved the part with the kitten. I love all cats :) and thought that piece was cute along with the title. Good job and congrats on your win.
(Thanks for commenting on Amber-eyed adventure!)
Ann FitzHenry12/14/06
Hahahahaha! I absolutely loved it! Congratulations on a well-deserved win!
Sue Goodreau12/14/06
Well done! I enjoyed this immensely! So creative and funny! Keep up the good work.
Helen Paynter12/14/06
I laughed out loud. A very well deserved win
Congratulations
Lenda Blackmon12/14/06
That was great! I could picture the pastor and his wife chasing after the animals. Made me smile BIG!
Seema Bagai 06/28/07
This is hilarious. Enjoyed reading it.
LaNaye Perkins03/23/09
I love how you write Betty! The dry humor of the Pastor was perfect for his weekly address to the congregation. Well done and congratulations my friend!
Verna Cole Mitchell 12/23/09
I loved reading this again. Your humor is such fun to read. My favorite picture was the poor preacher's wife drunk on the fruit cake. This was truly deserving of first place.
Carol Penhorwood 12/23/09
Absolutely delightful in every way!!! A job well done and credit well deserved!
Edy T Johnson 12/23/09
What a long-suffering pastor! This is such a delightful window into parish life---it would make a great idea for a tv movie.

Thank you for leaving a comment on my Christmas Eve story. I'm so glad you liked it.