The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1172 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
12/01/06
I loved the title, I loved the "double-checked" aspect of it, in fact there was much about this story to love, including well-written characters...but I'm skeptical about the "Christian hidden camera" show. It just seems a little bit mean-spirited, as if its main goal is to catch Christians being hypocritical, or worse, sinful.

It's probably just me. Really, the tone of the story is not mean-spirited, but fun. Nicely done.
This story was a surprise to me. I was really into it. Then the surprise jumped out. Interesting!
Very creative! In my experience surving at a shelter I found that the people were very grateful for the food--I'm sure all are different, though. Anyway, fun twist at the end!
I don't like the hidden camera part of it. The article is a fun read, but such insulting behaviour would put anyone off serving.
12/03/06
Fun twist! Seemed a bit preachy at the end, but a creative take.
12/04/06
When I started reading, I was confused as to why Brian had a glint in his eye. At the end I understood! I didn't find it preachy, but did find the Christian hidden camera show a bit hard to believe. And I was surprised at the attitudes of those being served, that every single one of them would have a bad attitude. That said, it was a wonderful read, and I loved the double-checked ending! Blessings, Cheri
12/04/06
Oops! Forgot to say that I loved your title! Cheri
I enjoyed reading this and I think I get the attitudes of those in the receiving line. They were probably supposed to be in on it, to intentionally rile the guy up, but then he did the double check and the joke backfired on his friend. Interesting twist and I like the title too. :)
12/06/06
I was appalled at the attitudes every diner, and a little put off by the hidden camera show also, but Bravo for writing it and submitting it! Enjoyable read, and on the 2nd time I took a different meaning from "This is fun." Love the double twist too. Kudos.
12/06/06
Well, I for one thought this was totally out of the box and refreshing! We have had some interesting situations working at a soup kitchen. My son got pinched by a "lady of the night". Believe me, I was a grumpy mama when that happened! Just glad it wasn't on camera! LOL!
12/06/06
Shoot! I thought Mr. Gilmore really got decked!

I loved this scenario! I could feel the resentment grow (mine) for each ungrateful, stinky man going through the line ... and then when Mr. Gilmore got decked ... well ... alas there was a message.

I guess I need to go back and refresh my memory about 'turning the other cheek.' *groan*
12/06/06
PS. I got he impression the men were in on it - right?
12/06/06
I liked this. He went into this to help and ended up being helped ... got a little starch knocked out of him and then knocked it out of his colleagues. An enjoyable take on the subject.
The title is awesome. I love creative stories that aren't the "usual." Great job!
12/07/06
A fantabulous read!!! Couldn't have stopped reading if my life depended on it! Great stuff. Great creativity. Wish I had half of your talent, Bro. You are my kind of writer! Don't ever give up the gift...you got it! (never mind what the Judges say...you've got it!)
12/07/06
Wow! I love surprises and you definitely surprised me with this one. How clever and well written. Loved it!