The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/30/06
I loved this story! The dialogue brought the characters to life, and the solution to their problem--along with the message conveyed--proved delightfully original!

The title "Room Mother" initially drew me in, but after I read the story I wondered if something more directly relating to the specific problem or message might have fit the story better.

Great job!
12/06/06
Very nice story! What I found distracting only was the use of colons after dialogue tags - I would rework those and try to use action instead of he said, declared etc. Someone once told me to do that and my writing improved immensely!