Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Parent (11/16/06)

TITLE: Heart of a Father
By Debbie Sickler
11/23/06


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“What do I have to do to make you obey me? Kill them? Kill you?” His fist shaking inches from my face conveyed the seriousness of his threat, as did the mottled blue and green markings on my legs and back, not yet faded from his last threat.

Whiskey scented spittle flew at my eyes as he ranted, blending with tears that splattered on the small gift which had started this all. I clutched the stuffed kitten closer to my chest as I shrank into the corner of my room.

“I told you to stay away from them boys. They’re too old to be talking to little girls like you. Which one of them gave that thing to you?” He ripped the toy from my tiny fingers and flung it across the room.

David.” I whispered my confession.

“I’ll kill him. He has no business messing with my little girl. Your mine. Understand me? Come ‘ere.” I locked my eyes on the token of affection now laying on a pile of dirty clothes, as my father expressed a different kind of affection.

I prayed he would pass out quicker than last time.

***

“I killed him!” Joshua mashes the buttons on his controller frantically, only looking up for a moment to check Sam’s face for approval. They exchange a quick high five and advance to level seven.

I love watching the two of them together. Sam is a wonderful dad. He helps with homework. Plays with Josh and is always ready to listen when he’s upset. He even says bedtime prayers with him each night. Our refrigerator has never seen a bottle of alcohol and our family bible isn’t covered in dust.

Josh’s childhood has been completely different from what Sam and I grew up knowing. He’s never known such anger and fear. Our home is filled with a love neither of us thought we’d ever find. We thank God often for bringing us together and for healing our hearts.

As I watch Josh become a man, it is my deepest hope that he will become a man of God. A man who will know how to love and protect his children and wife. A man who will honor God’s laws and raise my grandchildren in a home of peace. A home where they will not have to fear for their lives as they sleep each night.

I pray that he will be a man after his dad’s heart.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 751 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Phyllis Inniss 11/24/06
You've given us an insight into two different types of fathers and the destructive effects of alcohol. A touchingly descriptive narrative.
david perez11/27/06
Well written. I like it.
william price11/27/06
The first half of the story is one of the better pieces of writing I've read here. The second half is very good, and would have been improved, if a little more trasition was there. I was confused where I ended up. After a few reads I got it. Its probably just me, I am a lil slow. But, overall, an excellent job, and at the end, point well made. God bless.
Shanti Singh11/27/06
This was very, very good. At first I had a bit of a hard time with the transition, and catching the meaning, but once I did, it was very meaningful. How wonderful that healing has come and that the cycle of abuse was broken!
Bonnie Derksen11/28/06
I would like to add my aggreement to the previous two comments. Exceptionally well written first half. Wow! I felt the MC's fear, the "spittle" was very effective to describing what she saw... very good setting.
I, also loved the second part, because you wrote "peace" into the setting and surrounding.
Beautiful truth: Jesus is in the healing business and brings beauty to ashes.
Thank you for this very touching entry.
Jan Ackerson 11/28/06
I agree with everything said here--wonderful writing in both halves, but the first half really shines. The second half is more "tell" than "show", and the mood and voice change quite a bit. But that contributes to the contrast of the piece--a very effective writing technique.
Joanne Sher 11/29/06
What a contrast! I agree with the above comments - especially how exquisite the first part is! You sent shivers up my spine!
Donna Haug11/29/06
I'm glad you added the last part. But I agree with you that it could be polished a little bit. Maybe if you said the same type of thing but in conversation with the husband? Just a idea.
Donna Emery11/29/06
Very, very touching and so well written. The contrast between the two halves was vivid. Great work; thanks for sharing this.


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service