The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/18/06
How tragic! What a sight for a 12-year old's eyes. Your first-hand account of this scene frozen in time is well done. Thank you for sharing. I was sure the father would be revived and everyone would live happily ever after ... but life really isn't like that most of the time, is it. Thank you for reliving this memory and putting it into words. Well done! :)
Thanks for sharing this with us, how profoundly tragic and forever life changing. I know I would have been changed.
11/20/06
Oh, wow--I felt as if I were there with you, observing every moment. The sights, sounds, smells--you have it all. Just so, so good.

I think--I may be wrong--that numbers under twenty are supposed to be spelled out rather than written as numerals...

This must have been hard for you to write--but what an awesome job you did! I'm bowled over.
Powerful story. I just had a minor quibble... in "the Dad" it should not be capitalized, since it's being used as a common noun and not as a name. Otherwise great job, very touching.
11/20/06
I cannot imagine witnessing that. You showed your emotions so clearly. My only question was concerning the first time you mentioned Jan. I had a hard time placing who he was until later. I still see the little observer 'keening' over what she saw. Awesome writing.
11/21/06
Oh, Cori. This is SO powerful and engaging and amazing. I was completely caught up in the description and the tale. Like others have said, this must have been SO hard to write - but I'm glad you did. I will remember this for a long time.
11/21/06
Wow. I kept thinking the girl in this story was older and was wondering why she didn't do anything. I'm so sorry you had to see that. It reminds me of John 15:13 Greater love has no on than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. (NASB)
11/22/06
This si a tragic story .. all the more since it was true. Very difficult memory to share. But told with the proper dose of realism and intrest. Well done!
11/23/06
Oh my. I'm sure this incident left an indelible mark on you. Thank you for the courage it took to write it.
11/23/06
A tragedy indeed..... How awful. I wonder if it could have been even more powerful if you included in the title something like 'Transkei Tragedy (A True Story)'. Well written.
11/23/06
Incredible drama. Somehow it has never seemed fair that a beautiful ocean can so irretrevably tear a person away, often never to be seen again. That's why it mentions in the Bible that the seas will be no more....because such sorrow came with them in the old days....and still does, to this day, even though we are so more advanced and have more warnings of upcoming storms. Your talent has been showcased in a vignet that, praise God, you were able to express. Thank you for going back to that painful, poignant memory.