The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/17/06
The title drew me in. This was really cute. However, the 1st sentence of the last paragraph didn't fit. I would have left that off. Don't tell us you see a sermon, just tell us what the message is. :)
11/18/06
Nicely told - I also agree with Alison about that first sentence of the last paragraph. I'd also like to have seen a smoother transition between the story and the message. I enjoyed the antics of the cousin - you definitely portrayed her very effectively!
I knew this had to be a story with a little one in it, no one else would say 'drownded.' Your message at the end is great.
11/20/06
This made me smile. I could just picture this little girl. Great message, too.
11/20/06
Love the title. I really liked how you presented the story. I could imagine the entire scene. I think there is a sermon in there, too. :-)
11/21/06
I could picture the whole scene, including your brothers horsing around. You gave the characters in the story portion of your article faces by describing their antics so well. The message you took from the story was one we would do well to heed. Great job, Edy!
This is such a wonderful example of Jesus working through us. I enjoyed the account of grown brothers horseplaying. It was all so vividly portrayed.