The Official Writing Challenge
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11/16/06
This was really good. I like how you took an aspect of a lifeguard's job that no one wants to think about and turned it into a captivating story. It kept me reading to the end. Great job.
11/18/06
This was great. The only off-putting thing were the accents - the story didn't need them. I loved how she went in at the end so that she could continue to do her job to the best of her ability.
11/20/06
Heartbreaking! Your dialect made these characters even more real--nice touch.

In dialog-heavy paragraphs like p. 4 and p. 6, the individual speeches really each need a paragraph of their own, with white space after.

Very warm and tender story--I liked it.
11/20/06
Touching and lovely. I definitely felt for poor Tibby. Well written. Thanks for sharing this
11/20/06
"The sickly sweet smell of carnations hung heavily in the air, mingled with the sound of the death wheeze of an ancient organ." What a descriptive start to your story! I loved the emotion throughout. Good job!
11/22/06
This story touched my heart. The scene outside on the steps when everyone was comforting Tibby was very vivid. The emotions of the characters were real throughout the piece, and the story ended nicely with Tibby returning to the water. Good job!
11/22/06
What wonderfully vivid description. You did a great job of putting me right there, and immersing me in Tibby's world. Very compelling read!
11/22/06
Loved the way you connected so strongly with Tibby's emotions. And what a lovely forgiving community she lived in. Sigh. yeggy