Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Doctor/Nurse (11/02/06)

TITLE: Mother's Touch, Father's Home
By Allison Egley


Dr. Sarah Jankowski’s pager went off. Awakened from a deep sleep, she knew that at this hour of the morning, a page could mean only one thing. Someone was badly injured and needed life saving brain surgery. A car accident, perhaps? Was someone shot? Sarah called the hospital.

“What’s the story?”

The voice on the other end sounded a bit shaky. “We’ve got a 24 year old white male with head trauma. He was the victim of a car accident, possibly caused by a drunk driver. Blood pressure is low, breathing shallow, pupils fixed and dilated. We’re doing a CT scan now, but we suspect massive hemorrhaging of the brain.”

“Dr. Conner, what’s wrong? There’s something you’re not telling me. I can hear it in your voice.”

“Sarah, it’s... it’s your son. We tried calling your home phone but...”

“I turned off the ringer. I knew I shouldn’t have done that.” There was a pause, as the reality set in. “No, no, no! Not Patrick,” Sarah whispered, so as not to wake her husband. This was not how he needed to find out.

“Dr. Jankowski, I know it’s hard, but your son needs you now more than ever. You’re the only one who can perform the surgery he needs. You know that.”
Hearing her professional name put things into perspective for Sarah.

“I’ll be right over. Tell Patrick that Mommy is coming....” If he can hear you. Sarah hung up the phone and gently roused her husband. “Kevin, you’d better come with me for this call. It’s Patrick.”


Sarah walked into the ER as Dr. Conner was looking at the CT scan. “It’s just as we suspected, Dr. Jankowski. Your son has massive hemorrhaging in the brain. How much have you told Kevin?”

“I... I couldn’t tell him much, be he knew it was grim, since they needed me for the surgery. He knows the types of cases I deal with. Could you tell him the details when he comes in? He’s parking the car.”

“Of course. Why don’t you go prep for surgery? Your son will be waiting for you.”


As Sarah prepped for surgery, she tried to convince herself that this was just another patient. She didn’t need her emotions getting in the way. “Lord, Patrick is in Your hands. I am just a tool You are using in his recovery. Guide my hands, Lord. Keep my son safe. And.... And if it is his time, please don’t let him suffer.”


“His heartbeat is irregular, and his oxygen saturation is dangerously low.”

Dr. Jankowski desperately tried to control the bleeding in her son’s brain, but the accident had taken it’s toll. Sarah heard the long, mournful beep of the heart monitor.

“He’s flat-lined, doctor.”

The bleeding slowed as his heart stopped beating. The mournful tone continued.

“Clear!” Shock! Nothing.

“Clear!” Shock! Nothing.

“Clear!” Shock! Nothing.


“We’ve done all we can do, Dr. Jankowski. And so have you. I’m sorry it had to end this way.” Her assistant began pulling the blue sheet over Patrick’s face. “Time of death, 4:35 am.”

Dr. Conner laid his hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “Do you want to tell Kevin, or should I?”

“You do it. I can’t face him right now.” As he left the room, Sarah fell into a heap on the floor and cried. “Why? Why, Lord? I couldn’t save him. It’s all my fault.”

A few minutes later, Dr. Conner returned. “Kevin knows. Would you like to see him?”

Sarah silently nodded, as Dr. Conner led her out of the OR. “Dr. Conner, How’s the other driver?”

“He was treated and is being held for overnight observation. He was drunk. I’m so sorry. It should have been the other way around.”

As she walked into the waiting room, Sarah looked into Kevin’s eyes and fell into his open arms, as she sobbed. “It’s okay, Sarah. It’s okay. You did everything you could.”


“...And so, as we begin life on earth without Patrick, may we be reminded that those who have trusted Christ as their Savior will see him again someday. May we be inspired by Patrick’s life, and how he let his light shine before men so they could see his good deeds and praise his Father in heaven. May we also be inspired by his parents, Sarah and Kevin, who forgave the young man who struck and killed their son, and may we have the same attitude of forgiveness towards each other. Thank you.”

Author's Notes:
Scripture adapted from Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 1103 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jesus Puppy 11/12/06
You asked for comments.. ok.. so I cried. A good showing of a trama for any mother, but for a doctor to work through it.. sad.

One booboo that jumped out was.. " I couldn’t tell him much, be he knew it was grim...." be should have been but..
Jan Ackerson 11/12/06
Great plot!

I wonder if it would be more effective to do without the next-to-last segment (before the funeral), or just to have the doctor say "I want to talk to the other driver" so that the reader thinks the worst...then hit us with the funeral, maybe even have the driver sitting in the back and listening...

Just some thoughts--I really liked this story, and you did a great job of putting us in the doctor's soul.
Ruth Neilson11/12/06
I've told you this privately, but, I guess it never hurts to repeat oneself. I loved the story idea, it just seems a little choppy. There isn't a flow...for lack of a better term...that needs to be with the piece.

But, that's just my $.02.
Betty Castleberry11/12/06
Oh, this is sad. You made me cry. The ending feels just a bit tacked on, but I really did like this piece. Very nicely done.
Joanne Sher 11/13/06
I agree about the ending seeming tacked on - but I loved the rest of it! Very realistic and draining.
Stephen Paynter11/13/06
You wrong footed me here. Half way through I was sure it was going to have a happy ending, and I was about to dismiss it as being too twee. I was therefore pleased, surprised and saddened (!!!) at how the story turned out - definitely sobering. A good story, well told.
Marilyn Schnepp 11/14/06
Unless things have changed...physicians are not allowed by law to operate on their own family. But it could have changed since my Dad was a doctor. Nice story. Thanks for sharing.