It's been a little over five years now since my mother's passing and my heart still longs for her. She was my mummy and she was my best friend. Tomorrow I will be graduating from High School and she is not here to share in my joy, our joy.
"Oh Lord," my heart cried, "I still miss her so much."
I was sitting on the floor inside of my bedroom, searching through the few boxes that contained her albums, diplomas, sympathy cards and every other piece of paper that belonged to her.
Recently her face has been fading from my memory and even through I spent time staring at her pictures, it didn't help.
I glanced through some of the sympathy cards that I'd read about five years ago. Family, neighbours, friends, colleague, patients, friends of friends, everyone that knew her sent me a card. I thought that I'd read every card five years ago, but as I go through the cards, there were still several unopened cards.
My mom died in a car accident about five years ago. Our car had been experiencing some problems and my mom kept saying
"I have to take the car to a mechanic."
One morning, after dropping me off at school, she drove off to work in the drizzling rain and according to the police report, the car skated on some wet leaves and my mom lost control of it and the car ended up crashing into an electric poll. She died before reaching the hospital and after her death, I went to live with my father.
As I opened a card, a letter fell out and after picking it up, I looked into the card to see who it was from. It was blank, except for the words, to Chris, from James. So opening the letter, I read,
Dear Chris, I am sorry about your mother's passing, I'm sorry about your loss. I know that during this time you'll be hearing a lot of, I understand what you're going through, and in time the pain will go away, but I will add to those voices. I understand what you're going through and because of that, I know that the pain will never go away. You see, I also lost my mom when I was thirteen years old and even at twenty-four years old, the pain of loosing her is still here.
I met your mom last year when I was taken to the hospital after a section of the roof that I was working on collapsed on me. Your mom was one of my nurses and I got to know a little about her.
Every morning as she enters my room with a huge smile on her face, she asked,
"How are you today, James?"
Then she would listen as I complained about how unfair life was. Your mom was knowledgeable, it didn't matter what topic I brought up, she knew something about it.
I had several broken bones, so I guess it goes without saying that I couldn't do anything for myself. So your mom took care of my personal hygiene. I will confess that having someone taking care of me, in that manner, wasn't easy, but your mom helped to make it easier. She was swift, but yet thorough and she always treated me as a person and not as a task.
I thought that it was my personality that charmed kindness out of her, because of the terrible stories that I had heard about the way nurses at that hospital treated patients, but it wasn't. She treated everyone that way.
As she took care of me during those weeks, she spoke about you. She mentioned that you wanted to become a doctor when you grow up and that the two of you accepted the Lord as your personal Lord and Saviour at the same time.
Your mom loved you very much and one day you will see her again. She testified to me about the Lord, but at that time I didn't want to know Him, but I know Him now.
Hold onto the memories of her and not her portrait. Keep your eyes on the Lord, He loves you. You are in my prayers. Bye."
I dropped the letter and allowed the tears to fall.
"I love you mom and I pray that I become as good a doctor as you were a nurse." I whispered.
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