The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
11/10/06
Wow, what an experience. And, so well told. Good job holding your readers spellbound, and then leaving them with a sigh of relief and a chuckle at the end. You write very well. I'm impressed.
Your story is well-crafted and enjoyable. It could use some fine-tuning. For example, "timber" should be "timbre" and there are a couple of run-on sentences. You did a great job of revealing just enough at each turn of events to keep us breathless and engaged to the end!
11/13/06
Wow--scary!
"The sterile white of the walls puffed like clouds in the heavens as I started to go in and out of consciousness."...
This is my favorite line. You had my attention right away. Good work!
11/13/06
You had me right with you through every step. What an experience. I'm basically speechless at the moment.
11/14/06
Wow - scary stuff - but SO well-written! I love the humor at the end - so realistic! What a journey.
11/14/06
Great testimony! Well written! You put us right in the room.
11/15/06
The verbs you used in this article really sizzled! Excellent descriptions, too: "But my arms felt pinned to the table by giants."

A few punctuation and spelling things that were minor compared to the rest of the story. For instance, “She needs a spinal tap, with this fever, we need to check her for meningitis.” could be "She needs a spinal tap. With this fever, we need to check her for meningitis."
"Timber of his voice" is "timbre of his voice." "Dieing"-"dying."

All of that is minor compared to the drama of this whole experience and the masterful way you told it. I'm glad I read this.
11/15/06
What a wonderful story! You told this very well and held my interest through the whole thing. Thanks so much for sharing this.
11/18/06
Riveting story. Told with great description and emotion. Congratuations on your placement in the top 40!