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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Doctor/Nurse (11/02/06)

TITLE: Thank Heaven For Good Nurses
By Valora Otis


My vision blurred, the pain in my head hammered on. The fever sizzled away at my brain. I was lost in my own delirium. Later, I was told that I sang Kumbaya, to all that I passed in that antiseptic hall and with perfect pitch. Entertaining the masses was my goal as they wheeled me into the triage unit.

“Why is she so loopy? She’s been singing that stupid song for an hour!” My husband Steve held my hand in a death grip.

“She needs a spinal tap, with this fever, we need to check her for meningitis.”

Steve related how he had tried to bring my fever down, with no success. He told how the singing had given the kids the giggles at first but soon frightened them when I continued on and on.

“Honey, a grown woman with a temp of 104 isn’t something you can treat like a child’s fever.” A kind nurse said as she came in to assist the doctor. Steve’s slow realization that he might have put my health in jeopardy was evident. His eyes mirrored my pain. After all we were that close. I wanted to reach for him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. But my arms felt pinned to the table by giants.

“The nurse will assist me, Mr. Johnson you might want to wait in the hall.”

The sterile white of the walls puffed like clouds in the heavens as I started to go in and out of consciousness.

“No, I’ll stay.” The gentle timber of my dear one’s voice woke me. I tried to smile for him. But failed as they sat me upright for the procedure.

I felt something cold rubbed on the small of my back and a needle for the pain was injected. It burned, suddenly I felt myself slipping away. I looked up at the nurse who had warm blue eyes. I said two simple words to her. “I’m dieing.” I knew she believed me.

“Doctor, I believe her, the color just left her whole body. Something’s wrong. Can I give her the shot of Epi? She has several drug allergies, maybe this is one of them?”

“No one’s allergic to Lidacain woman! She’s just in pain, she’ll faint and then she’ll be just fine.”

I remember leaving my body at that moment and going to a safe place for a time. It was like falling back into the softest feather bed, being enveloped all around by the arms of angels. A voice whispered in my ear, “All is well little one, be still.”

The doctor yelled at the nurse in the distance. “Do not inject her with the epinephrine. She doesn’t need it, Sarah!” She did so regardless of retaliation. She knew I was about to die.

The same heavenly voice spoke like the finality of a falling wave. “Now, go home to your dear husband and children, all is well.”

By then the doctor was working madly to revive me. “Sarah! Give her another dose of Epi.”

Silly man, I’m already coming around, couldn’t he see that? Not much of a doctor is he?

The first eyes I saw as I opened mine were those warm pools of blue, and her beautiful smile. She had saved me without a thought for herself or her career. My guardian angel had held me until I was well enough to come back to where I belonged.

“Sweetie, you gave us a scare. Promise me you’ll never do that again.” Steve’s warm brown eyes crinkled at the corners as he kissed my hot cheek.

“I felt angels and they spoke to me, baby. They told me to go home to my family. I’m going to be just fine, you’ll see.”

He turned to Sarah reaching to shake her hand. “Thank you for saving my wife’s life. If you hadn’t given her that medicine, we might have lost her.” Sarah nodded looking at the doctor.

“Don’t look at me like that Sarah. We’ll discuss this, at a later date.” With that he walked out on us, never looking back.

“I’ll be right back with another doctor, guys,” Sarah said softly. “I’m really sorry about all of this. Press the button if you need me.”

“No problem.” He kissed my cheek again. I felt safe, and upset at the doctor’s temper and disdain.

“We should pray for that man.”

“He’ll need more than that when the lawyers get a hold of him. Thank heaven for good nurses.”

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This article has been read 855 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Edy T Johnson 11/10/06
Wow, what an experience. And, so well told. Good job holding your readers spellbound, and then leaving them with a sigh of relief and a chuckle at the end. You write very well. I'm impressed.
Sharlyn Guthrie11/12/06
Your story is well-crafted and enjoyable. It could use some fine-tuning. For example, "timber" should be "timbre" and there are a couple of run-on sentences. You did a great job of revealing just enough at each turn of events to keep us breathless and engaged to the end!
Jan Ackerson 11/13/06
Betty Castleberry11/13/06
"The sterile white of the walls puffed like clouds in the heavens as I started to go in and out of consciousness."...
This is my favorite line. You had my attention right away. Good work!
Laurie Glass 11/13/06
You had me right with you through every step. What an experience. I'm basically speechless at the moment.
Joanne Sher 11/14/06
Wow - scary stuff - but SO well-written! I love the humor at the end - so realistic! What a journey.
darlene hight11/14/06
Great testimony! Well written! You put us right in the room.
Sandra Petersen 11/15/06
The verbs you used in this article really sizzled! Excellent descriptions, too: "But my arms felt pinned to the table by giants."

A few punctuation and spelling things that were minor compared to the rest of the story. For instance, “She needs a spinal tap, with this fever, we need to check her for meningitis.” could be "She needs a spinal tap. With this fever, we need to check her for meningitis."
"Timber of his voice" is "timbre of his voice." "Dieing"-"dying."

All of that is minor compared to the drama of this whole experience and the masterful way you told it. I'm glad I read this.
Donna Powers 11/15/06
What a wonderful story! You told this very well and held my interest through the whole thing. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Ann FitzHenry11/18/06
Riveting story. Told with great description and emotion. Congratuations on your placement in the top 40!