The Official Writing Challenge
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I love the interaction between mother and son and the tenderness revealed through the son's thoughts and actions. I think I know what happened in the end, but a few more clues would have helped. First, more information about the age/life stage of the son, and second, some sense of when his mother died would bring it all together. Thanks for sharing the story.
11/13/06
Excellent! I love that you made him decide to be a nurse--many times they do more actual caregiving than the doctors, and Tommy is obviously gifted in that area.
11/13/06
This story was so tender, and Tommy will be a wonderful nurse. You did a great job of characterization, and your storyline was very compelling.
Very sweet and powerful story. The ending clinched it all. I found a few spots to be just a little awkward in the flow, but otherwise wonderful story!
11/15/06
This was lovely. It touched my heart. Thanks so much for sharing it.
You characterized a devoted son very well. I, too, would have liked to have known his age. This was a very touching story. Nicely done.
I have to be honest here. I've just lost my grandpaw and when you wrote how the bed was empty beside Tommy's dad the tears started to flow and I was reminded how often I grabbed a glass of water put the oxygen drops into it and placed the glass into my grandpaw's hands. Thank-you for writing this and for bringing out much needed emotions. I strongly believe we write for the reader and you've captured that for me this week. May the Lord continue to guide your quill. Blessings.