The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/11/06
You did a great job of describing exactly what everyone was going through. I would have loved a bit more information on the goings-on at the hospital - it just seemed a bit lacking there. This was definitely a very compelling read, though!
11/12/06
Wow! I genuinely felt the emotion as you revealed each phase of the story. Great job, and wonderful lesson in all of it.
11/13/06
Very well written ... I was feeling your apprehension to seek medical help, especially since I've witnessed the hospitals and clinics in Africa. Wow! What a testimony to God's protection. I hope you're collecting these stories for a book on missions or a missions training manual! Excellent work! :)
Pat Guy  
11/13/06
Wow! The uncertainty of medical care would be overwhemingly scary in situations like this. I felt the urgency to try and work it out on your own too! Good job of taking us with you!

I wish you had more word count to place us there in Africa with descriptions of the surrounding landscapes along the way, the whether, the people etc.

A story worth embellishing on and submitting.
11/13/06
I was right there with you. Your descriptions had me feeling what your character felt and fearing what she feared. You can't do any better than that. Great piece.
11/13/06
Great title, and very effective buildup of suspense. Good job!
11/15/06
A wonderfully suspenseful story. Very well written. I enjoyed reading this and was glad for the happy ending. Thanks for sharing it!
11/15/06
Wonderful story, great description of feelings and emotions. Well done.
11/15/06
This well written piece makes one realize what we in the states take for granted. The story captured and held my attention.
11/15/06
A great choice for the topic. The ending could do with a little TLC to pack the same punch as the rest of the story. Very well written!