The Official Writing Challenge
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11/05/06
Very cute - fun!

I was surprised with the coffee after school ending. Maybe things are different in other parts of the world, but where I taught, we would NEVER take a student out alone - too many legal potential risks apart from anything else.

However, that's just my pedantic-ness coming out. It was a fun piece. You described the main character's emotions really well. Fun.
11/05/06
Definitely fun and cute - I was also taken by surprise with the coffee invite at the end - as well as a teacher asking a STUDENT to deal with a crush issue. That part seemed a bit unrealistic, but the story was well-told, and interesting. You did a great job of characterization with Jenny - I definitely felt like I was right there inside her head!
11/06/06
Authors note: I just have to mention that Jennifer is NOT meant to be a student. In my writer's mind, she was an assistant teacher - an ADULT teacher - helping Mr. McGuire in the Science Lab. It never even crossed my mind to write about a student-teacher relationship. Obviously, it didn't come across that way - sorry.
11/06/06
Glad you clarified, as I had the same qualms.

That aside, this is charming and well-written--you really captured her emotions perfectly. I just love romance!
11/06/06
I can see why the reader thinks Jenny is a student but regardless (after we know she's not) :) you wove together thought, dialogue, atmosphere so well. It's a fun read. (I'm sooooo glad you didn't use the 'P' word!) ;)
11/06/06
I am glad you clarified the fact that Jenny was an adult lab assistant, but I too assumed from the schoolgirl type reaction that Jenny was a student.

Otherwise the dialogue and twist at the end was superb.

Boy, do I remember those feelings!
11/06/06
[size=9]It does my heart good to see a Super Master mess up once in awhile[/size] ;)
11/06/06
This brought a chuckle! What a fun read, Jenny is a very vivid and realistic character and I loved the twist at the end. Great job!
11/07/06
On second read it is more clearly an adult speaking. Neat twist to a light romantic tale. Ah, the first moments of love! lol
11/07/06
It was a great story. You had me right there. I must say that my antennas went up at the end. I was SO glad to hear that she was an assistant! Just a few insertions should clear that up, huh? It's amazing to me how we think we've passed these youthful feelings but can be transported right back there by talented authors. If you don't believe it and get the chance, just take a walk down your old high school halls while school is in session. Those old insecurities come right back! That was part of the problem here. We felt her "youthful" embarrassment and assumed she was a student, in total denial that those feelings can come rushing back no matter what our age. I enjoyed your story very much!
I thought Jenny was a student, too...thanks for clearing that up! I remember crushes like this, only mine was named Mr. Lawson. :-)

Enjoyed the story!! The emotion kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time!