The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/19/06
I enjoyed the story...especially the ending. But the flashback was confusing. There was no indication other than [...] that you were switching gears.
10/19/06
Police and Correctional Officers are two very different law enforcement agencies. Police arrest 'em and Prison Guards (now called Correctional Officers), take care of 'em. Criminals, that is. A mite picky perhaps, but I've already read three entries about Correctional Officers; and I guess the public sees them as one in the same. Good story with great message here. Nice job, and an interesting read.
Great story! I figured out the flash-backs, but they may have been more clear if you did them in italics. I like the line about him being innocent now.
10/21/06
Ditto with the other comments. Some kind of separation for the flashbacks would have helped. But thank God for forgiveness that's even bigger then the biggest crimes.
10/23/06
I liked your story's concept. And you told it well. I too had a lil trouble w/ the flashbacks, but even if that was fixed I would have to say the story lacked a little depth at times. Meaning, I didn't feel the condemned man's remorse, or gratitude for God's saving grace. You said the right things, it just didn't minister to me. I only mention all of this to you because you are a talented writer, for sure, on the verge of all you have ever wanted to accomplish with your gift. If I didn't think so, I would just say, 'nice job' and move on. So, I just want to encourage you to develope the emotions you want the reader to feel a little more. God bless, and Pm me if you want.
10/24/06
I really like the idea of the converted criminal, and you gave him a distinct and real personality. I'm unclear on why it's set in the future...it seems unnecessary here. Or, if you really want to keep it in the future, make future-y stuff play into the story more.

I'll give this one a second read--it's entirely possible that I missed something. The flashbacks didn't throw me a bit, I thought they were well done. The writing is very compelling.
10/25/06
Very, very VIVID. This was a great story, and you told it very well. Good job! Prisoner X9J7 was a realistic character.
10/25/06
"And there but for the grace of God, go I." Well done! A very potent reminder that we all have great sins laid at our feet, and great forgiveness from our Savior, who already paid the ultimate price. Well done!!
10/25/06
A good story and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing it.
10/26/06
You may not think this is one of your best, but it's very good. I liked the futuristic elements such as the shock collar, force shield rather than bars, but I had to wonder about the text tablets. At first I thought it was a pill to take that would give you knowledge, rather than having to read! LOL! Wouldn't that be great? I enjoyed reading this. And I'm thankful that this story does happen today in prisons- prisoners coming to the Lord, I mean. Good job!