The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/21/06
You wrote your story in past tense. One little spot escaped into present tense: "he manages to find" I guess once you're a police officer, you don't really get 'time off'. It's in your blood!
10/23/06
This was an interesting story. I like the dialogue, but the flow seemed to be off.

This would be great if it were expanded.
10/25/06
This was a great story, but the last paragraph seemed too pat of a reply. And...would a security guard have a gun? I'm not sure about that one. I'd have to do some research on that if I were writing it. Very believable characters. "...but he manages to find a spot" should be managed, and there are a few other grammatical, punstuation, and usage errors. I only mention this because of the advanced level rating. (-: Good plot! It needs some tweeking, but it's a wonderful story, thoughtfully written!
10/25/06
How ironic that in my critique, I have a spelling error. Tee Hee! Guess ain't none of us perfect, eh? (-: We get better with time and work, though. Hope you'll do more with this story. It has great potential!