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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: I Didn't Know
By Angela Linton


Since Eric was about five years old, all he wanted to become when he grew up, was a policeman. Yep, a policeman and nothing was going to sway him from that and nothing did.
About two years after his dream of becoming a policeman was fulfilled, he was married with his son Nathan being born the following year.

So when Nathan's first birthday arrived, he was overjoyed and decided to take his day-off to celebrate with family and friends.

The decorations were up, the cameras were ready, and family and friends were bringing the food, and the cake was still at the bakery.
"I'm leaving to pick up the cake now." Eric called to his wife, as he grabbed the car keys.

The parking lot at the mall was packed, but he manages to find a spot at the back of the lot. With no one to block his car exist, he made his way through the mall and to the bakery.

The chocolate tractor shape cake with blue and white icing was mouth watering. Satisfied with the cake, he made his way back to the car and secured it in the trunk. He was in the act of closing the trunk door when the passenger side of the white car next to his flew open and a woman stumbled out.

"Help, help," she cried to Eric, "he has a gun, he's going to kill me!"

Eric instinctively grabbed his empty side, and ducking, made his way over to the woman. The driver's side of the white car also flew open and a man emerged with a gun in his hand, but by the time he reached the other side, Eric and the woman were out of his view.

"I know you're behind this red car," the man shouted, "so you might as well come out." Eric motioned to the woman to keep silent.

"Come out" He then bellowed.

"I'm police officer Eric Brown, put your weapon on the ground and step away from it." Eric ordered, pitching his voice.

Silence was the man's reply, only to be followed by an eruption of laughter.

"That's a good one, a really good one, you almost get me there," The man said, in the mist of his laughter.

"Just let my wife come out, you don't have to get mix you up in this." He continued.

"I'm coming out," Eric said, "I'll have my hands in the air."

"No, no," the woman said, pulling at Eric's arm, don't go, he'll kill you and then he'll kill me."

"Everything will be alright." Eric whispered, trying to reassure her.

"You don't know him…" The woman began when a gun shot rang out.

"Come out woman, because the next bullet wouldn't be at the sky, it'll be in someones' head."

"I have to go," the woman said, crying profusely and attempting to stand.

Eric grabbed her shoulder to prevent her from raising.

"I really am a cop, just give me a chance to…"

"To do what, save her?" The man had covered the short distance between them and was standing on Eric's side with the gun pointing at his wife.

"Too late." He said grinning, and slowly pulled the trigger.

"No!." Eric shouted, throwing his body in front of the gun and loosing consciences shortly after.

Several days after that, Eric was laying on his bed at home recovering from the gun shot. The doctor stated that the bullet missed his heart by an inch. Numerous people, many of whom Eric did not know, with "get well" cards and presents have been visiting and calling on the telephone.

Someone in the mall's parking lot had alerted the mall's security guard about the situation and the guard discharged his gun as the man discharged his.

The article in the newspaper and many others have called Eric a hero, with some saying to him,
"You're really dedicated to your job."

So as he lay on his back, chatting with his wife, he said,
"You know honey, even though I'm dedicated to my job, that's not why I jumped in front of the gun. I did it because I knew that whenever I die I'll be with my Lord, but I didn't know if she was going to be with Him."


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Member Comments
Member Date
Donna Haug10/21/06
You wrote your story in past tense. One little spot escaped into present tense: "he manages to find" I guess once you're a police officer, you don't really get 'time off'. It's in your blood!
Rhonda Clark10/23/06
This was an interesting story. I like the dialogue, but the flow seemed to be off.

This would be great if it were expanded.
Peggy Bennitt10/25/06
This was a great story, but the last paragraph seemed too pat of a reply. And...would a security guard have a gun? I'm not sure about that one. I'd have to do some research on that if I were writing it. Very believable characters. "...but he manages to find a spot" should be managed, and there are a few other grammatical, punstuation, and usage errors. I only mention this because of the advanced level rating. (-: Good plot! It needs some tweeking, but it's a wonderful story, thoughtfully written!
Peggy Bennitt10/25/06
How ironic that in my critique, I have a spelling error. Tee Hee! Guess ain't none of us perfect, eh? (-: We get better with time and work, though. Hope you'll do more with this story. It has great potential!