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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: Wat I want two bee wen I groe up
By Corinne Smelker
10/18/06


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Wen I gro up I want to bee a polisman becos my dady was polisman. My mom sed he wuz very brave.

My dady is in heaven wif jesus now, and mom sez that he luks after us from there. Sumtimes I wish he wuz here becos I miss him. He ust to play ball wif me and taek me to the pool to swim. He learned me hoe to swim, and he wuz a real gud swimer.

Dady wuz shot bye a bad man who wuz on drugs. I don’t noe wat drugs ar, but mommy sez they maek peple do bad fings. Tis man wuz in his car and dady stopped him. The man got skerred and toke out his gun and kilt my dady. I am sad tat my dady is in heaven.

I sawe dady in the box – mom caled it a basket, I fink. He wuz so stil, and did knot luk my dady. Mom tole me that his budy wuz here, but he is reely in heaven. Then she cried. I do knot liek it wen mommy cries.

Mommy sez we need to prey four the bad man. I gues she is rite. But noe I want to bee a polisman becos I want two stopp the bad mans fromm herting mor peple.

My dady wuz a gud polisman, and one day I want to bee jus liek him. Dady ust to say he wanted to bee the bestest dady and I fink he wuz the bestest dady. I miss him.

The End

Timothy Whitt – age 7


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Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Lee Schab 10/21/06
Love the creativity, love the voice. I understand the spelling thing of a seven year old but I did stumble a couple of times. Had to read carefully to catch everything. Overall, well done.
Amy Michelle Wiley 10/21/06
Great story! I'm curious whether this was really written by a 7-yo, or more likely, fiction. But either way, good job!
Joanne Sher 10/22/06
Definitely a creative take on this - your voice/language seems to be JUST right! I also stumbled some on the language, but I'm guessing that was part of your goal (or at least something you were expecting!). The innocence of the child is captured so vividly here!
Sara Harricharan 10/23/06
I really enjoyed this. Reminded me of old journal entries.
Beth Muehlhausen10/26/06
Awwwww.....sweet little fella. This is tender and strong, all in the same breath. Loved the spelling idiosyncrasies, which made the whole thing special!