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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: Man in Blue From a Child's Point of View
By Cyndie Odya-Weis
10/18/06


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Man in blue, he came he did
Right when my dad hit my mom
Her nose was bleeding and
her tooth was in her hand.

She was screaming, then crying,
then I heard sirens and a knock
Two men in blue said “stop!”
And dad did stop.
He listened to the man in blue.

I peeked out
At men in blue
Big men with guns at their sides
Then I ran to hide.

Man in blue, he tied up dad,
Had some cuffs, he did.
One man in blue he took my dad
away. The other stayed.

Man in blue talked nice to mom
She said, “what about my baby girl
and my son?” Then she cried and
man in blue said it would be OK.

I peeked out at mom- she cried
Man in blue-his hand on her shoulder,
The kids? Two kids? A boy and a girl? We can take them in.
You need a doctor."

Man in blue, he helped me good
He found me behind the door
Said, “come with me, son-
I’ll help you, come on- up off the floor.”

A knock on the door--a woman in blue
And another man came too.
They talked nice to me,
They held the baby and
Put my clothes in a bag.

“Where’s my dad?”
“We took him to get some help.”
“Where am I going?”
“We have someone who can take care of you.”
“Where’s my mom going?”
“To the doctor to get her cuts fixed.”

“Sammie-honey,mommy's going to be OK.”
I ran to hug her.
“The police will take you and Tess to the shelter.
and I’ll come there later, OK?”

“OK, mom.”

Men in Blue feel safe and warm.
The car is warm, I feel tall.
Man in blue hands me a teddy bear.
“You’re a brave boy, Sam.”

Man in blue calls on the radio
His voice sounds quiet and shaky.
“Saved the mom and saved the kids;
Thank goodness… Thank God.”


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This article has been read 680 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Steve Uppendahl 10/20/06
I'm not a poetry expert by any means, but I liked this. The rhyming scheme was a bit off, but it flowed well for me.

I think this would make a great story. To me, it would be much more dramatic that way. Either way, nice idea and well crafted.
Marilyn Schnepp 10/20/06
Without the title to clue me in - I'm afraid I would have said something like "could've been written by a 7 yr old", but the title tells us all...it's not an adult talking. So how can I say it doesn't rhyme? Doesn't have meter? Is way off center poetry-wise? I can't! Why? Because...it's a child's Point of View.
Donna Haug10/21/06
To me it felt a bit awkward as a poem - even from a child's point of view. I loved the story line. I think as prose written from the same point of view it would work better for me. But that is just one reader's opinion. I enjoyed the comfortable, safe feeling the child felt in the policeman's arms.
Peggy Bennitt10/25/06
The story is very good, but I'm not sure that poetry was the right vehicle for it. Poetry lends itself better to some situations than to others. I'd like to see this done in prose, still from the child's point of view. Good insights!
Monique Fox11/13/06
Come and post your poetry at Poetry and Poets of God: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/