The Official Writing Challenge
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10/20/06
Teenage love...wow. Sad story. "herd of elephants" not "heard", (which I wouldn't have mentioned except it is Advanced Level...and I'm a bit more picky on critiquing higher-ups.)
10/21/06
This was a very intense story. I would probably try to reword this phrase: "my bladder, I could not control" to "I could not control my bladder." It flows a little better. No pun intended! EW! ;)
10/21/06
Very intense! The first paragraph seemed a bit contrived, and at first, made me think about child abuse. You did an excellent job of conveying the terror that must accompany such a situation. Great job of "getting inside the head" of Gena's friend!