The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/12/06
Critique: First part needs separation between Voices. "tv" needs to be capitalized. (minor boo-boo)

Comment: Loved the First and Last part of entry. The middle got a little bogged down with the"preaching" part, but it did have a good message. Nice job!
10/12/06
What I liked - the title was a good one.:) Then I thought this was a really different style of writing - kind of like hearing a commercial being read. It was refreshing.
What I might change- the spacing of course, and some of your sentences need question marks.
I liked the illustration. Vital message! Perhaps could have been structured a bit better in the spiritual application section so that it read more easily. However, the last couple of sentences were snappy and concluded the story well!