The Official Writing Challenge
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This is beautifully heart touching! Thank-you for sharing. Your words perfectly placed brought tears to my eyes.

Trina<><
10/12/06
What I like - you brought out real emotions and I enjoyed the touch of humor towards the beginning. The descriptions were vivid and good strong ending. Very realistic.
What I might change - I think you could drop the 'spat' as her words said it already. One small thing I noticed was almost all of your sentences were structured alike - a starting phrase and then a short part afterwards. You might want to mix up your sentence lengths some as it gets to be sing song sort of.:) You are a good writer that gets to the heart of a situtation!! I love these emotional pieces!
10/12/06
My favorite line:
"As she stroked his rumpled hair, the touch of his warm embrace doused the angry flames in her heart." What a perfect job for this mother's little fire-fighter! Scary subject matter, but you still pulled this reader in to your characters' world.
10/13/06
A very well written story; but if someone were to ask me what it was about - I'd say "cancer", or "shocking news", or "Mother's concerns & love for her child"...not about "Fire Fighter"; thus it missed it's mark on topic. But, as I said, Well written Story, and a very Good one!
10/13/06
You have dug deep for this story. Nice job. My fav line "Anita’s anger flamed in her heart. As the fire continued to burn, it threatened the very core of her faith. Cinders and ashes swirled in her soul." One of Dave's Favs this week.
10/13/06
Okay, I have to say this. Your first paragraph is certainly a grabber! Wow! “Naked again with nothing to show for it,” shivered Anita as she adjusted her paper dressing gown. “For what they charge, they could at least turn up the heat.” How many women have felt these words. I have and I'm pleased that you were brave enough to say so! With every piece you write the emotion is stronger and the description more believable.
10/13/06
Loved, especially, the ending of this. Your descriptions were so very realistic throughout - and what a great last line (and title!).
10/16/06
"Within seconds, blurry images of crimson and gold were awash in her tears. Like watercolor on a canvas, the vibrant hues gave way to a colorful haze." You have several very descriptive phrases like this throughout. Loved it.
10/16/06
Beautifully written, and I really like your creative approach to the topic. By the way, I like the "spat." This one is quite special.
10/16/06
Oh, this was so sweet. It made me cry and touched my heart. Nicely done!
10/16/06
Though very light on topic, this is a beautiful story, well written. Though life sometimes is difficult, God's precious gifts and His Presence give us joy, and make us strong. God bless you.
10/18/06
loved your first paragraph too! I hate those gowns! Powerful story.
10/18/06
A very touching story. I didn't guess at the significance of the title until the last line. What a great job! :)
10/18/06
A very touching story. I especaily like the character's honest emotions at the beginning of the piece. A favorite line (or two): "Anita instinctively felt the knot in the swell of her breast. As her fingers stroked the skin, the dressing gown crinkled."

One suggestion in the first paragraph, consider: "Naked again...for it." Anita shivered as she adjusted...
I also agree with Tiffany's comment to eliminate a descriptive dialogue tag when the dialogue speaks for itself.

A lovely ending, embraced in hope. Good job!
10/19/06
Beautifully written. Great descriptions. I love pieces that are full of emotions and this one was. Brought tears to my eyes.