The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1726 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a powerful portrayal of what life could be like someday for those of us who believe (and for that matter is for some already). This was sobering, but beautiful. Thanks for sharing!
This was awesome. Beautifully written.
10/14/06
Very original. I liked how you contrasted the “brave men and women” firefighters of the past to the Fire Fighters in your futuristic tale. Excellent writing. I have many favorite lines:

“…we listen for the scratch of phosphorus on sandpaper…”

“… in the narrow space between a barely breathed affirmation and an ear inclined to capture the whispered words.”

I loved the simple phrase: "Eyes find eyes …” And the last line was perfect!!!
Intriguing and wonderfully skillful work! You ushered this reader into a dark and smokey world. Yes, the alliteration is very effective. Actually for me the smooth sameness of sounds enhances the stealthy, secretive mood of the story. The suggestion of the new 'friend' at the end is perfect. Such treachery glows against this dark background. Great story!
10/16/06
The first time I read this, I didn't get it at all. I totally missed it. Then, after having read the comments, I went back and re-read the story. It's excellent! I liked the furtiveness and secretive way you wrote. Good writing.
10/16/06
Masterfully and thought-provokingly written. Definitely one I need to read over and over!
10/16/06
This was very well done. It calls quietly to the read and it stirs the soul. Thanks for sharing it!
10/16/06
This is obviously written by someone with great talent! Parts made me think of well-written poetry. I enjoyed the futuristic story. Very well done!
10/17/06
Masterfully written. Awesome perspective. A deep read. And a delight to those who love - words. ;)
10/17/06
Very intesnse, with a hint of Fahrenheit 451.
10/18/06
Pretty interesting. Good job! :)
09/19/07
This is a Biblical version of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. On my personal favorites list of classic science fiction novels, only C.S. Lewis' space trilogy and George Orwell's 1984 rank higher. If you've not yet read it, you must.

My critique of this story is that the story you had to tell cannot be done justice in 750 words. What you have here is a plot synopsis.

I'm a high-school-educated-factory-worker-one-trick-pony: all I've got is voice. You, however are capable of literary science-fiction. If Christian science fiction ever takes off, you've got a real ticket with this setting and concept.

There is somebody you MUST meet--Karen McSpadden. I think her contribution to Light at the Edge of Darkness was by far the best, and I had three stories! Even the reviewer's who did not like the anthology, made Karen an exception.

I just finished a critique of her newest novelette, Riverwater. She too is capable of literary science fiction. To my knowledge she does not yet have a website, but she's in the Lost Genre Guild. If you'd like me to either invite you to the guild, or give you her e-mail address, let me know. I think you two would have a lot in common.